What's Bothering You?

My back has been getting worse. I've tried everything and yet nothing is working. I'm tired of it. I'm gonna have to get it checked at this point.
 
My mom said that I have zero friends, which tbh is really getting to me. She says that nobody wants to be around me because I’m an ungrateful *****. I’m sick of being told that I have no friends, that there’s something wrong with me, and crying myself to sleep half the week because of her.

Not to mention she says I’m a ****ty worker, but that’s the least of it.
 
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I am absolutely fuming right now. NONE of my doctors ever freaking listen to me! NONE OF THEIR STAFF EVER LISTEN TO ME! They charge me for a cancelled meeting despite me doing it BEFORE the 24 hours and they still charge me... EVEN THOUGH THEY SAID THEY WOULDN'T CHARGE ME! I want to call them and give them a piece of my mind but I can't because it's the middle of the night. Now I have all this steam I need to blow off. Lovely.
 
worried that i’m not going to get into some of the classes that i selected. my college gives me an enrollment date for when i can register for classes and i think i got one of the latest times. i have two online classes that i want to get into but it only has 9 seats left, hopefully by this afternoon when i register it wont be all taken. a few online classes would just be easier on me tbh. this sounds dumb but classrooms make me anxious.
 
I'm tired of being promised more day offs and then being asked to work on those days. I just want a ****ing break, man.

And my brother keeps asking me for money even though he can't pay me back. I don't say no either, even though I should learn to put my foot down. Of all the people to take advantage of the fact I'm a pushover, I never expected it to be my own brother. **** him.
 
I'm starting to wonder if people judge me by my fandoms, and interests before I can even say hi. I didn't know I came off as being immature, and childish. It just came to my attention today, from a coversation I had with new hire at work. Who was surprised I could handle a rough situation, I asked why, and he said I didn't come off as a tough girl, or like I could handle mature situations. Since we were just chatting about various characters, and I was pretty hyper about it. So I came off as mentioned above.

It kinda took me by surprise, being how Im pretty mature in real life, and I've delt with rough guests before. But I can understand why people would assume that. I'm not very happy about it though.

Yes I LOVE Minions, ponies, ect. But those are just my comfort characters to get me through life, they just put a smile on my face. Seeing them makes me happy.

I'm not about to change my ways due to those newly discovered Assumptions. But it still bugs me.
 
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Today was really good. All of a sudden I got crabby and triggered by something; I’m pretty sure it means I’m pmsing. I hope I’ll feel better soon and that this won’t get in the way of my drawing. Sometimes, my pms is so bad I can barely function (like less than usual). I hope my internet connection for mario party will be okay. No idea what to do about my connection :/. I don’t think moving the router is an option.
 
Chris said:
I tripped earlier and landed on concrete. Hurts like hell. 5" black bruise already forming. Not looking forward to seeing it in the morning.
Click to expand...
Update: didn't get any bigger, just darker! Still hurts though, I couldn't sleep on that side last night.

Social obligations today I can't be bothered with. And my partner volunteered us to pay for lunch. 😒
 
Work is making me feel like crap, as usual. My next day off isn't for another few days and my manager thought it was a great idea to make my two day offs so far apart. I'm working with three ****ty employees today, one who stresses everyone out and two that mostly stand around and talk to each other instead of working. I'm tired.
 
really close online friend has effectively dumped me. i'm not sure what i did, if anything. she's been distancing herself a lot lately, and i've tried to be as communicative/reassuring as i can about how i feel, but she's just been pretty dismissive and claimed this is, "just who i am," which feels like a nothing excuse, because she hasn't been remotely like this the last six months. she hasn't really been answering or talking to me much lately. i think the last straw was seeing her discord show her playing a game i brought to her attention that we promised to play together at some point, but she lowkey ignored me the last time i mentioned it, and now she's presumably playing it with other people. so that stings a lot.
 
I really don't know what is wrong with me. Its like I am feeling I'm losing myself. I can't seem to do anything right or say anything right. I question everything and I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I am just been overwhelmed since this past month has been very rough but I just feel lost. I am only speaking about this because this has been the thing thats been bothering me the most. Its not Moms fault or my sisters fault. Its all about me. I feel like every time I say things it just comes out wrong. Even when I explain my intentions it just comes out wrong and I have a hard time expressing myself. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't feel good about it. I've been having dark thoughts lately and I don't want this to be the thing that ruins me in the long term. I don't know where else to turn.
 
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