What's Bothering You?

I'm starting to wonder if people judge me by my fandoms, and interests before I can even say hi. I didn't know I came off as being immature, and childish. It just came to my attention today, from a coversation I had with new hire at work. Who was surprised I could handle a rough situation, I asked why, and he said I didn't come off as a tough girl, or like I could handle mature situations. Since we were just chatting about various characters, and I was pretty hyper about it. So I came off as mentioned above.

It kinda took me by surprise, being how Im pretty mature in real life, and I've delt with rough guests before. But I can understand why people would assume that. I'm not very happy about it though.

Yes I LOVE Minions, ponies, ect. But those are just my comfort characters to get me through life, they just put a smile on my face. Seeing them makes me happy.

I'm not about to change my ways due to those newly discovered Assumptions. But it still bugs me.
 
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Today was really good. All of a sudden I got crabby and triggered by something; I’m pretty sure it means I’m pmsing. I hope I’ll feel better soon and that this won’t get in the way of my drawing. Sometimes, my pms is so bad I can barely function (like less than usual). I hope my internet connection for mario party will be okay. No idea what to do about my connection :/. I don’t think moving the router is an option.
 
Chris said:
I tripped earlier and landed on concrete. Hurts like hell. 5" black bruise already forming. Not looking forward to seeing it in the morning.
Click to expand...
Update: didn't get any bigger, just darker! Still hurts though, I couldn't sleep on that side last night.

Social obligations today I can't be bothered with. And my partner volunteered us to pay for lunch. 😒
 
Work is making me feel like crap, as usual. My next day off isn't for another few days and my manager thought it was a great idea to make my two day offs so far apart. I'm working with three ****ty employees today, one who stresses everyone out and two that mostly stand around and talk to each other instead of working. I'm tired.
 
really close online friend has effectively dumped me. i'm not sure what i did, if anything. she's been distancing herself a lot lately, and i've tried to be as communicative/reassuring as i can about how i feel, but she's just been pretty dismissive and claimed this is, "just who i am," which feels like a nothing excuse, because she hasn't been remotely like this the last six months. she hasn't really been answering or talking to me much lately. i think the last straw was seeing her discord show her playing a game i brought to her attention that we promised to play together at some point, but she lowkey ignored me the last time i mentioned it, and now she's presumably playing it with other people. so that stings a lot.
 
I really don't know what is wrong with me. Its like I am feeling I'm losing myself. I can't seem to do anything right or say anything right. I question everything and I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I am just been overwhelmed since this past month has been very rough but I just feel lost. I am only speaking about this because this has been the thing thats been bothering me the most. Its not Moms fault or my sisters fault. Its all about me. I feel like every time I say things it just comes out wrong. Even when I explain my intentions it just comes out wrong and I have a hard time expressing myself. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't feel good about it. I've been having dark thoughts lately and I don't want this to be the thing that ruins me in the long term. I don't know where else to turn.
 
Still so ****ing upset that of all things a ****ing pinterest comment when I was looking for outfits for my ocs just destroyed me and filled me with so much self loathing and anger.

I liked the outfit. I still have it pinned on my private experimental oc board. But it hurts sm to even open that app, to even think about looking at that image, idk what to do except delete it and save it
 
I just got an email about my order and I can only order two of my items because of restrictions set by the store and if I want the rest of the items, I have to place another order. I’m glad they contacted me though since I got scammed from one website before and even though this is from the official site, I still was nervous. I think my mom will be okay placing a new order in for the rest of the items, though she’ll probably be annoyed as I am.
 
I woke up to my boss calling me on a Sunday, a day I do not come in. And she calls to say she can't unlock the door and if I could bring the keys. (What I am guessing is that she only has one key and the last people in locked both locks like sensible workers).I say sure since I am closer and get ready.
I tell my mum, and she says she can deliver it since she has a bike to get there. She gets ready and is gone.
I go check my phone for a minute and see my boss say, don't worry she got in somehow........are you bloody serious.

I messaged her telling her my mum already left, didn't bring her phone which would be useless anyways since I have no credit. And even if that was me going instead, I wouldn't hve seen that message till I got to the bloody shop.
She hasn't responded.

I just know my mum will be severely pissed off with her, and honestly, I don't care if she does say things to her because I'm done with that place. Either way both me and my mum would be mad no matter who went.

So I plan to clean the place while she is gone, already did the cat trays. Boy she really messed up our Sunday.
 
Oh boy! I love migraines first thing in the morning :lemon:
I took a decongestant, thinking it was just sinus pressure at first-- then my left eye started THROBBING and had this constant stabby feeling of pain. So then I took one of my prescription pills, took a nap. Woke up thinking it worked. Nope. It's still there but very dull and it's not one of those 'this doesn't bother me' dull, it's a 'this is so annoying' dull. So, I took two Excedrin and I'm hoping THAT helps :^
 
My job sucks enough as it is, but my coworkers make it even more miserable. Most of them are impatient with me, constantly tell me what to do, question me every time I do a task, and it feels like they're always judging/scrutinizing me. This one coworker in particular who works on weekends does all of this, and I hate working with her. She made me finish our closing shift while she stood out to talk with her boyfriend. :\

It feels like my coworkers take advantage of my quietness. I just do what's asked without question because I don't want to confront them, even if I'm already busy with something else. The language barrier makes it even more difficult, so I don't say anything. I notice it, and I'm not a ****ing idiot. I know I have to be assertive, and I tell myself that on a daily basis... But I can't.

I'm honestly thinking of quitting, because I can't take that hellhole anymore. I'm stressed, tired, and miserable because of it.
 
I called my mom today to confirm plans for Thanksgiving and it turns out she's sick. She sounded awful but kept trying to tell me she should be better in a few days. However, when I probed for more info, she admitted it might be Covid. The first person in my family to come down with it took an old expired home Covid test and it was positive.

Whether it's Covid or something else, I'm concerned because I'm still recovering from surgery and have to go back to work the first week of December. I made it clear to everyone ahead of time that I could not get sick right now because coughing, sneezing, or anything that tenses my core muscles still hurts pretty bad. I'm worried that even if my mom and everyone else that's been sick feels better, they could still be carriers.

My mom is trying to downplay it because she really wants to see me, which makes me feel guilty about possibly cancelling the whole thing. She's on her own now since my dad died several years ago and I know it's rough on her. But just this one time, I'm trying to prioritize myself. I've always been the one to sacrifice and support everyone else, but this whole surgery thing has been a huge deal for me. I hate feeling like I'm a terrible daughter for wanting to look after my own health.

Edit: My mom isn't guilting me on purpose. It's just my default mode. So it's really a me problem.
 
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