What's Bothering You?

[Autumn247]

I’m feeling really down on myself on my lack of progress in my art and violin. Like skill wise. I feel like I’ve been completely stagnant for a long time and am never improving

 

[skarmoury]

Spoiler: dumb

i find it absolutely stupid that until now my parents still believe in the "don't talk back at us" thing like. im not allowed to defend myself when i feel hurt, or when im accused of doing something wrong? what good will it do if i just take it all in? and if i bottle it up, what good will that do to me? and you guys wonder where my issues come from cant defend myself for **** like im so sick of you guys always mansplaining things to me and not listening to me in return saying stuff like "this is not how i raised you" no this is exactly what you raised me to be and you just dont want to admit that you guys gave me pain and hurt and trauma. whatever man

Spoiler: see

this is the **** im talking about, you guys have pushed and raised me to have high standards for myself which led me to forming absolute dog**** self-esteem
and when i express those self-esteem issues in a frustrating manner you guys go "yea its definitely a you problem you're not meant to be great" like??? and you tell me this isnt how you raised me?? see this is why i hate myself and i will almost never be comfortable looking at myself physically or emotionally. i will feel good sometimes then you guys just tear down whatever little respect i had for myself and then blame it all on me. okay
i hate crying after all this because i KNOW they are going to say "what if you stopped wallowing in self pity" like!! i know that!! i just. dont know what else to do right now.

anyway whatever im done crying. kinda. i'll study today. im so useless lol