What's Bothering You?

[Chris]

I very much recommend against gym, physio, and "superman pose" MRI in one day (plus manual lifting at work).

I ACHE and walking is a struggle. Someone asked me for access to the electrical store and it took me x2-3 as long to get there than her.

So by 12pm I couldn't walk properly at all. I went to get some water and a number of people commented on my struggle moving. Two people even offered to make me tea and bring it to my office.

Made it home in one piece. Relaxing on the couch now. I'm giving myself permission to take the night off from chores. Hopefully I'm coping better by work tomorrow - if not it's going to be another long day!!

I've also accepted defeat and ordered a walking stick. It is due tomorrow. Honestly I should have done this two months ago when my mum first suggested it.

 

[Dim]

I got x-rays for my back to check what's wrong. My spine itself appeared fine. However, they told me I have degenerative disc disease. It would explain the constant pain I keep having when I usually bend or twist my back a certain way. It honestly sucks but I'm not... too upset with it because it isn't anywhere to the point where I need surgery or injections. I'd say the pain is moderate at most but only when I sit down for long periods of time. My spine itself is perfectly fine too. It's just I knew I pushed myself way too hard with work and put too much stress on myself for a while now and brought this on myself for absolutely nothing but clearly getting mad is just going to hurt myself. It is what it is. I just need to be more careful and also my doc prescribed pain medicine when I need it and recommended physical therapy which I will absolutely look into. It's just I already promised my dad I would go to New Orleans after the new year to help him and my brother with moving my grandmothers things... and it's going to be A LOT of work and heavy lifting. I hope it doesn't put any more strain on my back than I can take. >~>

 

[slzzpz]

My mom's death. I feel myself losing to grief. I feel broken and sad all the time.

 

[lasagne_of_death]

Deleted

 

[Tude]

My mom's death. I feel myself losing to grief. I feel broken and sad all the time.

I'm sorry.

 

[Seastar]

I have to get through a really bad winter night somehow. It's almost 5 PM and my bedroom is already freezing. It's going to get much worse later tonight and I am pretty worried. It's not going to be much better tomorrow either.

 

[Chris]

I really don't want to face the world today. I've pain in my legs, hip, and shoulder and my stomach feels ugh.

I'll do the adult thing: go to work and be sociable with my colleagues. But I just want to curl up under a blanket on my couch and do nothing.

I wonder if I'll ever feel like an adult. I thought I'd feel that way by my 30s but nope.

 

[~Kilza~]

It's been one year since I quit my job. One year of unemployment. One year of struggling to get a new job. It really sucks and has really affected how I feel about myself. It doesn't feel like I'll get another job anytime soon. ):

 

[daringred_]

filled in the GP form this morning for an appointment that they requested i make, and instead of making me one, they sent me this stupid link that NEVER works because there's never any appointments available on the system. so now i'm going to have to redo the form again on monday morning to specify, hey, don't send me that link again. wish they wouldn't waste my time like this.

 

[Xara]

Spoiler

I feel so sick physically and mentally. I'm honestly not convinced that I'm not legitimately dying because I just feel so awful. like, I don't feel good at all. something is seriously wrong, and I can't even tell a doctor or anyone about it because my brain won't let me. I don't have the energy. I don't have the energy to talk; I'll literally be in the middle of a sentence and I just stop talking because I don't have the energy to continue. I don't have the energy to take care of myself. I can't respond to messages. I keep promising my friends that I'll reply to them soon and I don't because I can't. I don't have the energy. I don't have the words. I'll be looking at a message or a thread that I want to reply to and my mind is just blank. I don't know how to say anything right now.

this has been going on for months now. months of being fatigued and foggy-brained every single day. months of waking up every day hoping that I'll finally feel better and I just don't. it's getting worse. I've stopped responding to people when they ask me if I'm doing okay because I'm not. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for months. I'm tired of saying I'm still not doing well. I'm tired of not doing well. I'm tired, and even just feeling like this is exhausting. it's exhausting to be exhausted.

I'm so frustrated because I know this isn't me. this isn't who I truly am. I know I'm capable of keeping my room and apartment clean. I know I'm capable of communicating. I know I enjoy taking care of myself. I'm capable of so much when I'm doing well, and the problem is that I'm almost never doing well. this is my norm and doing well is the rarity.

I want a job. I want to earn money for myself. I want independence. I want to move out. I want to take care of myself properly and thoroughly. I want to play games. I want to talk to my friends. there is so much that I want and need to do, and I'm trapped in my body. I can't do any of it.

this can't just be anxiety and depression. there has to be something else wrong. there has to be medication I can take or treatment I can try because this isn't a life. I'm not living. I'm too healthy to be disabled and too sick to function normally.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month. I'm not optimistic about it because the last psychiatrist I saw at this particular hospital was awful, and Canadian healthcare in general is awful, but I need this appointment to go well. I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Spoiler: Personal Life Problem (Warning disturbing)

Last night it was getting late, and mom was on her phone for far too long with car insurance. When she said she was going to take her medication, I thought she was done. That's when I ended the call. The second I did, that mom lashed out at me and sweared at me. I gave her medication, but she said, "Stay out of my face." Before then, she threatened to hit me with a water bottle. Finally, when I was taking up my stuff, she said, "Go eat yourself to death." I didn't say anything to argue back. I know what mom is like without her medication, and that shows why. She really needs serious help, and what she said was very hurtful. All I did was look out for health, but she didn't seem to care.

 

[Chris]

You don't deserve to be treated like that in your home @VanitasFan26. I imagine your mum is just stressed about everything that has happened with your family this year, but that gives her no right to lash out like that.

---

My work day ended on a stressful note. I realised after the rest of the department left (my work day is an hour longer than everyone else's) that the trolley a visitor had used to take his things to his car wasn't returned. I checked our entire department, all of the building entrances, the entirety of the ground floor, and the car park - nothing. I even checked in with the janitors and my employers department. These trolleys cost £300 by the way. Phoned my boss (deployed elsewhere), no answer. Texted him and asked if I should send out a staff-wide email Monday morning, and he said that'd be the best course of action. But he also said I should inform the acting subject head. I felt so bad sending her a work text to her private number on a Friday evening. We literally spent this morning putting together a shopping list using the last of our budget for the year. If anything we needed another one - not to lose one! She hopes another department nabbed it for an event happening tomorrow. Fingers crossed that's the case and it shows up! Nothing I can do now until Monday though so trying not to stress.

 

[Giddy]

I can't really explain what I am tackling, like my brain is mentally causing something and blocks me out so I don't know what is going on but I still have to pick up the pieces and deal with it.

I dunno
Just today, I've been watching this show called Waterloo road, but only been watching it for a specific character, a specific actor. Same actor who has been in Sarah Jane Adevntures, and for the whole day I've just been watching the parts he has been in, and I dunno non stop made me feel so obessesd
Like thats all I did, and it feels so weird, I dunno like it was pulling me back but I feel so out of it, and feel like I wasted the whole day.

Looking at pictures of them older from SJA, and realising how much time has passed it felt so alien

And for some madden reason I just started to cry, weep a bit and I don't really know why. Still don't.
My youngest cat ran over to me with a lil noise, worried about me.
I haven't had the chance to cry in a comfortable setting in a long time
My head feels like lead

 

[kisaker39]

I just received an emergency broadcast on my phone in relation to storm darragh. i forgot emergency broadcasts even exist honestly, so it gave me a bit of a fright. an online friend of mine lives relatively close to me, and apparently he recieved the warning also. because I live somewhere that is declared a "red area", and because i live very close to a harbour and the sea, where i live is predicted to get the worst of the storm. if it turns out to be as strong as predicted, it may be life threatening .

Edit: and now a tornado warning has been issued. tornadoes are extremely uncommon in England. i do hope this storm does not meet expectations, it will be quite dangerous if it does.

 

[Shawna]

Unfortunately, I am not able to play Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp Complete because I do not have any money to purchase it, and I tried to use an old Google Play gift card that apparently expired a long time ago, so I am going to have to miss out on all the fun for a while...

I am going to have to look at other people's screenshots and videos, instead.

I know how you feel, I still have a few hundred dollars in gift cards, not to mention, Christmas is around the corner, but for some reason these Vanilla gift cards are have started to get declined on Apple/iOS purchases ;-;

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

I made a few mistakes at work today, and it shouldn't be a big deal but I am kind of beating myself up over it and am afraid I will get in trouble because I made two drinks wrong and I am afraid that they will think I had a bad attitude when I had to remake them. I don't think I did but it's still something I am stressing over.

 

[chocovelvetcake]

Spoiler: might as well delete later

*deleted*

 

[Chris]

<snip>

Do they have any conditions that might lead to this behaviour?

Asking because my mother-in-law owned a nursing home until she retired this year, and her home specialised in women with dementia. It sounded like an awful profession to be in. I sympathise with anyone working in it.

 

[themysterybidder]

Spoiler: Just so annoyed

I am so annoyed and upset tonight. I shouldn't have jinxed it earlier by saying how happy I was apart from my physical pain. Day started off brilliantly, Blossom was back to normal and basically after a hectic few months I finally have a few days to myself before next week starts.

I know I sound like a broken record and I'm sure most of you know how I am still struggling with my Mum's passing even though it's been over 2 years now. I know some people in real life don't appreciate me keep talking about her, but I had one person who I always felt comfortable talking to about her and they loved talking about her too. Well, tonight I was talking about her again and saying I wonder if there is a bit of her in Blossom. Plus, I always tell her I love her and miss her at least twice a day. Well, tonight that one person who I never thought would say this told me 'You know you can't have a direct conversation with her?' Well, my heart sank. My only hope that I was clinging onto was that she could at least see us and could connect with us. For example: Talking to her in my dreams, Whenever a feather drops into the garden, I always believe it's a message from her as that's what she used to say. She would think if it was a special day for someone who had passed and it usually was. Now, maybe it's nonsense, but it doesn't do any harm does it? If it comforts me and I'm not doing anyone any harm, what is wrong with that? I always liked to think she was looking down wanting to chat and hug me as much as I want to talk and hug her. I told this person it wasn't a very nice thing to say, and then they tried to brush it off as usual. I felt the tears beginning to roll down my eyes. I managed to compose myself and act as if it didn't bother me, as maybe they wanted more of a reaction. Eventually it was time to get ready for bed. Bedtime couldn't come quick enough after that. When I left the room, the tears just kept coming and I was struggling to breathe. I'm still crying, but then I think to myself what my Mum would say, and she would have 110% supported me. I don't even know if annoyed is the correct word, i'm feeling so many different emotions: hurt, angry, upset... If it had been anyone else, I don't think it would have bothered me, but I always thought this one person was there for me as they loved her as much as I did. I don't even think my brother would have said that to me, even when we didn't get on. If I can't talk to that one person about her I'm going to write it here. I love you and miss you every single day, Mum. I really hope you are watching over me.

 

[daringred_]

Spoiler

feel like i accidentally made myself look really immature/stupid at work. it was my colleague's birthday today, and he hates his birthday -- didn't want anyone to mention it, or get him a gift, but he still got a card and cake, and everyone sang happy birthday to him. all great, i'm happy for him, but it made me a little upset because they all forgot my birthday until five days after it, and i never got a belated card when i came into work the next week, let alone cake. even though i know it was nobody's intention to make me feel sad, i just needed space to feel/be that way for a little bit instead of letting it fester, but now i'm worried they all think i'm being a whiny baby lol.