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What's Bothering You?

I’m tired... so very tired... and cold. But hey, at least I finished that big assignment. :D
 
Somehow my computer decided to mute every single program individually and I can't unmute them unless I've opened them. So annoying. ��
 
Got that damn cold breaking out of course. I just hope I can get to work tomorrow, I need the money I can get and worst case I will bring a face mask I suppose.
 
i just can't stick to eating healthy idk what's wrong with me, i feel SO much better when i'm eating good and rn i'm just miserable but i just keep eating junk ughh
 
I have to go to work today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after. I feel like I've worked a week already. I'm tired and stressed all the time.

I'm working 10 days in a row. It's times like these I hate my job. The worse of it, I'm still a part timer even thou this week and a week or 2 before I was over scheduled for 43 and 48 (but prob ended up working near 50) hours (40 hours is considered full time, anythin over is overtime which the company frowns upon). Then next week I work like 23 hours. My hours literally got cut in half. When will this wishy washyness end? :/
 
I looked at more information about Disney+. I am not happy about what it has. They don’t have The Brave Little Toaster (1987), but they do have these childish sequels.
 
This probably will sound silly or whatever, but I am bothered that my mother never eats what I cook. We live in a complex together, where there is a house and then there's a studio apartment next to it, so we always see each other. I cook homemade meals that are pretty good because I'm actually learning how to cook properly. My mom will not eat what I make ever.. and I think it's because of her narcissism. I don't understand why, maybe she thinks I'm out to get her and like spit in her food? Cause of some internal guilt? She won't eat what I make but she'll eat like cheese, crackers, and pepperoni for dinner instead, and beer. Like... that's all she will eat in a day. I made a healthy whole wheat spaghetti with red sauce that I made with ground turkey breast instead of ground beef. It tastes identical, but she just wouldn't have any. I know I shouldn't take it personal and, you know more for me, but she just will never eat what I make but she'll eat it if she makes it.

She also picks on me for what I put in my food. My mom is super British (No offense to anyone else here), which means I am part British as well, so she is super into unseasoned and plain food because she's VERY picky. I'm also hispanic so I really like to season my food, but that angers her so I don't know. :< I don't put anything more than you regularly would with pasta. I just think it's a personal thing because she always seems to "rival" me

This also isn't meant to attack people who don't like crazy seasoned food. It's just what I grew up around and my taste preferences
 
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I guess I kind of just want to apologize to anyone who’s reading my posts lately and think they’re strange or something... I get very erratic when I don’t get any sleep, and so I’m making it a point now to go to sleep and wake up on time everyday.
 
i keep depression napping the days away and i have finals to GET READY FOR and a presentation tomorrow that i don't want to do.

also i skipped a presentation today because i Suck and i feel horrible about that
 
Someone made an contest in a game I play.. well, he's rating like ****. Putting his friends way more points than they deserve. One guy literally copied the other guys part and they get insane amount of points in originality, okay then. Other guy is sending something that was made in like 2 minutes, zero plan on what he's doing, etc. and he gets huge points. God I hate people like that. I regret spending so much time on this ****show. I hope so hard now that his last part of the contest is gonna get zero replies, but hey.. his friends are probably gonna pay him to get a good result again. :)
 
My mom was supposed to get a CT scan to see what the ;ump in her neck might be. Fue to her previously having cancer & being on chemo she's had her blood drawn a LOT. Today when the tech went to go inject the dye for the scan my mom's veins kept collapsing. She was so upset that she couldn't get it done. She rescheduled for Friday December 13th at the other location because they're techs are more experienced at dealing with collapsed veins but now she has to wait to get the CT scan done. We're all worried about what this lump is so the wait is hard on us too. I'm praying it's nothing serious...
 
I feel like I'm not nice enough to people. I see members on here telling other members that they're so kind and selfless and radiate joy, and I feel bad because I'm probably the opposite. Part of me just can't get myself to be outspokenly nice all the time, it just feels weird to me. But I also feel like because of that, I'm not as close to people here as I should be. I really don't like myself for that.



Also on Tuesday I spent all night working on an essay, just to have my prof send me an email back mentioning like fifteen things wrong with the essay, and saying that if this is my final product that he can't give me writing credit for the class. I guess I'm just not good then, it's definitely not because I had nine classes this semester and am actually killing my brain just to do decently well in all of my classes.

I've never said this before but... I hate college. My life sucks.
 
You can only find the galarian Ponyta in Pokemon Shield? But I got sword... This is sad. VERY sad.
 
My little brother always seems to think he's not good at anything and never will be, feels like he's worthless, and then gets very angry and holes up in his room.
I wish I could convince him otherwise. He may have trouble at first whenever he does something, but he quickly gets good at it when he commits to it. He's a talented skater and artist, he does great in school, he takes care of his friends and family (and he helps me calm down whenever I'm having an anxiety flare-up and helps me feel better, which I really can't thank him enough for). He won't listen to me about it, and tells me he's not talented like me, which in turn really makes me want to tell him how I truly feel about myself (but he wouldn't listen to it and still insist that he's worthless)
I may be talented and learn quickly, but that talent hasn't gotten me anywhere ever since graduating. I failed at reaching my goals and chasing my dreams, and now I'm stuck in a rut, wanting to do things but having no drive or energy to do so. I can't even interact that well in public due to how my mental health has deteriorated. It kills me to hear my brother say he's worthless, because I know how bad it hurts to be that way. No one wants their loved ones to go through what they do. I just wish I knew how to make him understand...
 
A bit sad.

I don't feel I belong anywhere.
 
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I have to not let people bring me down.
 
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Feeling a strange sense of dread for no apparent reason. I hope it goes away soon because this is becoming somewhat annoying.
 
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