What's Bothering You?

Feel like I have a cold coming on, plus art block has hit me really hard. I think I burned myself out last week more than I realised. Hit me like a train yesterday and now I'm feeling guilty about the lack of good progress I am making on my commissions. Hopefully it eases up soon enough.
 
It just sunk in but it's been a week since I haven't had any contact with my boyfriend. He's doing research at sea and it'll be one more week before he gets to go home. I really miss him and I kind feel lonely without him. I think I might just cry, idk.
 
Oh well. I just got a mail that the stroller in the colour I wanted is damaged in the warehouse and the only one left..
they offered me another colour instead, but let's be honest.. paying 650€ for something that is already getting damaged
in the warehouse? No thanks.. man I spent weeks finding the perfect stroller, finally found it and now this..
 
I got an email earlier saying that the two items I've borrowed from the library (one from our library and one from another college) are due this Saturday. problem is that I need one of those two books to write my final exam essay for history (the exam doesn't happen for about a week and a half), so I went to renew them and..... it said I can't 🙃

lol I guess I'll be reading quite a bit in the next two days so I can turn it in on time...
 
having a hard time to stay relaxed because when ever l think about it l get chills, this feeling on my back, and it keeps going. I don't know how to relax and remove this feeling. Yes l'm nervous like the first time since who knows how long. Been like this since Monday which still sorta felt like yesterday.
 
well, someone (probably the same person last time) decided to blast mi gente at 2am in the morning, AGIAN! This time I heard cop sirens going after the car then a heard a crash. It got to the point that poor me had to get up, put some clothes on, get outside to see what happened. And well, there's a nearby stop sign near my house, and it was bent over and looked like this:
1620825600023.png
Not sure why or how the person crashed, but to my knowledge, the person was arrested. So I only got 5 hours of sleep! YAY, (sarcasm) At least I don't have to worry about that anymore but my neighborhood is crazy. I'd move somewhere nice, but I'm 16 and I don't have house money like that.
 
So Ontario is halting the use of the AZ vaccine for first use. They’ll still be using it as your second dose if you got the first one and they’re running tests to see if you can mix & match vaccines.

My dad got AZ a few weeks ago and he is livid. They’re saying they’re halting the use because it’s dangerous and he’s so angry. Saying it’s my fault and that he could’ve died because obviously it’s too dangerous to use hence them pulling it. He says he won’t be going back for the second dose unless they offer him something else.

I want to cry. He’s not yelled at me or anything but he’s really upset and blaming me. It’s not like I drove him to appointment and restrained him while they gave him the needle. I asked the pharmacist to call and talk to him and talk to him about it. Last month when he received it it looked like he (he’s 52) wouldn’t even be able to sign up for the vaccine until June or July so this vaccine was easier to get.

Guess I’ll be spending the day in my room 🙃
 
So Ontario is halting the use of the AZ vaccine for first use. They’ll still be using it as your second dose if you got the first one and they’re running tests to see if you can mix & match vaccines.

My dad got AZ a few weeks ago and he is livid. They’re saying they’re halting the use because it’s dangerous and he’s so angry. Saying it’s my fault and that he could’ve died because obviously it’s too dangerous to use hence them pulling it. He says he won’t be going back for the second dose unless they offer him something else.

I want to cry. He’s not yelled at me or anything but he’s really upset and blaming me. It’s not like I drove him to appointment and restrained him while they gave him the needle. I asked the pharmacist to call and talk to him and talk to him about it. Last month when he received it it looked like he (he’s 52) wouldn’t even be able to sign up for the vaccine until June or July so this vaccine was easier to get.

Guess I’ll be spending the day in my room 🙃

Alberta is doing the exact same thing, my mom got the AZ vaccine as well and likewise seems pretty annoyed by this news. She has already mentioned multiple times that she wishes she could have got Pfizer instead. I think all this news messaging about "Don't shop around for vaccines" actually just makes people shop around for vaccines even more, it plants the idea in their heads.
 
Alberta is doing the exact same thing, my mom got the AZ vaccine as well and likewise seems pretty annoyed by this news. She has already mentioned multiple times that she wishes she could have got Pfizer instead. I think all this news messaging about "Don't shop around for vaccines" actually just makes people shop around for vaccines even more, it plants the idea in their heads.

I heard Alberta is doing the same thing, I’m sorry :( from the short video I watched earlier it seems like Alberta is angling it more as, “we don’t know when/how much of AZ we’ll get so we’re saving what we do have for second doses vs new doses” which is a little better? Ontario came right out and said they’re halting it due to danger. :/

Which is what’s upsetting my dad - the emphasis on it being dangerous (hence the “I could’ve died! And it would’ve been your fault!” remarks) like your mum he would’ve rather waited for Moderna or Pfizer but the rollout for the vaccine has been such a mess we had no idea when he’d be eligible to sign up, let alone actually receive it.

I just want to fast forward to next year when this is hopefully behind us.
 
Welp, I just went to the closing of the sale on my mom’s house today and handed in the keys, permanently symbolizing that she really is gone. I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same as I was when I was younger from here on out. Still feeling depressed too.
 
Painters didn’t get to my room today so another day with my stuff packed up. I hate this so much.

Still depressed and annoyed about some stuff I can’t talk about.
 
I try telling my mom not to pile so much info on me at once because i get anxious and overwhelmed when she does, and she always is like “jesus christ!” i am sorry i was born with anxiety and other mental issues and can’t take loads of information at once. maybe you shouldn’t have adopted me if you didn’t want to deal with it even though i was not diagnosed until high school or college. 😡
 
I don't even know why I still use facebook. it's nothing but stupid mindless posts made mostly by older people, posts with people complaining about stuff and giving no context at all (and getting offended when you ask for context), and political bull**** that is really toxic. I just want to be done with it. if I stop using it I'll no longer be on social media (good riddance btw).
 
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