What's Bothering You?

this one manager at work put me in this specific area 4 days in a row (it’s called bubble; it’s where u take the drive thru orders and charge them) and one of my coworkers called her out on it and the manager told her “if i put her in dine-in lobby she doesn’t do anything” when i’ve literally been on lobby for 2 months straight and i always do my job?? correctly???? idk it just kinda made me feel bad, also because she’s super sweet to me to my face but talks bad about me to other coworkers:/
 
my friend group is in a pretty bad fight

tense energy w my parents from a past argument

friend ran away from home & i'm extremely worried

forgot to take my meds today
 
prescription still isn't ready. been forcibly off of my meds for almost a week now, so they might as well never be for all the good it would do. (none.) actually a joke considering it was negligence/incompetence that forced me off of my meds in the first place. these specific anti-depressants take 4-6 weeks to work, and since i barely made it to 4, i have no idea if they did or not. now if i want to find out, i have to re-waste an entire month of my life restarting them (as if society allows me that time) because some idiot doctor made the initial prescription one use only without telling me, and the idiot practice decided not to tell me i need a """medication review""" until after i'd already run out. hate it here, actually. what's the point in getting help lol.
 
I didn’t request Christmas off, so what happens is that my office calls my clients to see if they want me there and I guess it turns out that they do, which I’m low key not happy about. I’m not even sure if I get paid extra for it or what’s going to happen. Like do I have to go over there at 9 am and watch other people open presents and I don’t get to be a part of it? Christmas is already hard for me so I really don’t want to, but it’s my fault for not requesting to have it off.
 
Just waiting for dip**** relatives that apparently doesn't care about pandemic to call and ****talk about christmas and my birthday 🙃
 
remembering how last Christmas was basically ruined bc my dad can be so ****ing rude and I'm really not looking forward to this year :,,,,,,,)

I don't think I can ever truly be happy until I get out of here, and by that I mean get away from living with my dad. he's such a controlling person and he doesn't have a damn clue of how to regulate his own emotions so he's just generally a pain to deal with on a regular basis. I would honestly be content if i went to live somewhere else with my mom.
 
turns out my prescription has apparently been ready since this morning? so now i don't know if there's some sort of mix-up or if my mom's just lying about going to check if it was there. when i called her out on it and told her this, she just had a go at me basically, saying "oh, i've done nothing to you all week," which is... kind of the point. i've been seriously ill, accidentally given myself a light concussion, and she just... never once gave a damn because she was too busy pretending i don't exist. she didn't even offer or try to take me down to the pharmacy (it's like a 5 minute drive) before they closed, and now it's too late. my dad, when i called, wouldn't give a definitive answer and then turned his phone off, so i couldn't even embarrass myself by begging him to just go when closing time got too close. in the end, i got so upset i just... left the house. in the dark and 3°C weather which my mom didn't even try to stop me from doing lmao. not sure what i had in mind, but it wasn't anything good. i had a whole panic attack on the roadside and almost threw up, and then just cried next to the bridge.

only upside to this whole thing was some sweet girl who came to see if i was okay. (after a few other people and a lot of cars ignored me kneeling on the roadside lmao.) just thinking about her is making me cry again. she even offered to call the council (since she works with them in some form) and see about overnight accommodation, which i honestly probably would've taken if my phone hadn't been dead. it was just so nice to have someone to talk to who actually wanted to listen and didn't judge me even though i was stood there in my pyjamas and coat and haven't brushed my hair since waking up this morning. she even walked me home and gave me her number, and i just... when we hugged to say goodbye. nobody's hugged me let alone that tightly in over a year. much, much longer if you take my girlfriend out of the equation. it was nice.

oh, and then my mom showed up because i guess she went out looking for me, although seemingly not very hard. (i wasn't far from the house; we never saw her, even when walking back, and she didn't know i'd returned, so she was clearly just going to go back inside without so much as driving around the neighborhood lmao. more concerned with her spaghetti bolognese.) she just said, "oh, there you are," and went back inside. hasn't asked me where i went or if i'm okay once since i came back in. says a lot when a stranger cares more about me than my own mother.

i'm so tired.
 
so uhh yeah I'm extremely worried about my brother rn and my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. now idk if I'm gonna be able to get any work done tonight :,,,,,,)
 
missed my window to sell turnips by three minutes. this is the first high price (236) i've had in weeks, and i just missed it because i decided to go to ketchup's house. i'm actually so upset. like, not to be dramatic, but i want to cry lmao.
 
I really wish I brought my laptop to my parents place so I could use it to participate in the xmas event :(

sometimes I think my family is fine but then I remember how ****ing annoying they are
 
Just realized how strong my mom was, and that I’m even weaker than she was. I have no hopes of getting anywhere in life.

Damn, why am I always so weak and pathetic.
 
^ I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. you've made it to this point and I would say that takes quite a bit of strength.



I'm starting to crunch time for deadlines and it's really stressing me out. I need to learn a 4-and-a-half minute long piano piece by Christmas Eve and I have to make my own sheet music for it AND I have to make my own staff paper bc I don't have a stupid printer so that itself is taking a ridiculous amount of time and energy. but I also have to finish an art trade for someone and it's just so much work X( I'm also supposed to be working on a cross-stitch formy grandma but at this rate I definitely can't have it done until after Christmas so that kinda sucks.
also still worrying about my brother so, ya know, that's always fun to deal with while trying to get a bunch of work done in a short time.
 
Parents this time of the year, and some relatives you basically have to smack them with an imaginary hammer in their face because they don't get certain stuff, y'all there's a pandemic going on ya heard about it for 2 years lol.
 
[victorious theme] feeling torn.

on the one hand, i don't want to go downstairs christmas morning with my family and pretend everything's fine. i'm not talking to three of them, and i generally don't like or get along with the fourth. i want to make a point that the way they treat me (or don't, i suppose) isn't okay and that i won't just let it slide anymore.

on the other, i know i'll regret skipping it and just end up feeling worse when they inevitably don't try to convince me to join them and just leave me upstairs. as much as i don't really want to interact with them, my abandonment issues and crippling desire for attention/affection (due to a lack of) insist i must. plus i'm nosy and just enjoy seeing people open presents.

hate the holidays. i suppose i'd be ignoring them the rest of the day and boxing day by default anyway, although the latter isn't by choice. (my brother's insisted his girlfriend of literally like two months be here, my severe anxiety be damned, and since they all seem to like her more, i'll be pulling a harry potter in my room -- making no noise and pretending i don't exist.)
 
ALL MY POWER OUTLETS IN MY ROOM, broke at the same god damn time...I now have to stay in the guest room my parents have.
 
Really irritated with something right now.

edit: crisis averted. My client didn’t answer the door or the phone. I drive home before she asked me to come back. I really don’t want or can afford to have my schedule thrown off. I pretty much just roll out of bed to come over here and I’m really not sure why anymore. I get treated like a cleaning lady which isn't Really my job, which is fine I suppose because she really does need it. I really like to have my time between here and my other client so I can take a hot shower and wash the smell of this place out of my hair because this place has cockroaches, that’s not even the worst thing here. I’m really having a hard time lately brushing things off like I usually do and I’m feeling so tired. I need to get out and enjoy my life because I can’t keep going Like this I feel drained. I miss my happier self, I need something to look forward to.
 
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ALL MY POWER OUTLETS IN MY ROOM, broke at the same god damn time...I now have to stay in the guest room my parents have.
If all of them broke at the same time it's probably just one of them stopping the rest from working, similar to strings of lights. The same thing happened in our house.
 
If all of them broke at the same time it's probably just one of them stopping the rest from working, similar to strings of lights. The same thing happened in our house.
Yea uh, i found one of them that works...but IDK what the problem is, we're getting an electrician to look at it
 
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