Oh dear, here is a rabbit hole. I started double checking things, and somewhere along the way it turned into OCD, and quite bad OCD at that. I kinda refused to believe/didn't think it was that bad, so I never got help, until I started to realise what it was. Which was in part thanks to Coronation Street, a soap here in the UK. A character, Craig was diagnosed with OCD and his behaviours were similar to mine, so I thought, could I have OCD. Long story short, I ended up at the doctors for other mental health issues and got diagnosed with OCD too. After a long wait on a list, I got to do CBT, which I finished this time last year, and it has helped so much.
If anyone else is struggling with OCD, I get you, it's exhausting, battling your own mind and illogical thoughts everyday. One thing my therapist told me which really helped was seeing the OCD as a bully, now my OCD Sandra, doesn't have the same grip on me anymore. She still rears her ugly little head occasionally, but she's gone for the most part. If you are struggling, and can, please talk to someone. If I hadn't reached out, I don't want to know how much worse it would have gotten, you deserve the best <3