What's Bothering You?

bro i feel so terrible bc i have to go to school tomorrow. i wish i could be normal and could stop being so anxious about being around people i see basically everyday. nobody understands why, i don’t even know why im like this and it makes me sort of depressed.
 
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It really does suck that literally every day I do have off from work or night school that it just always rains. It's so annoying and depressing. I'm getting tired of it lol. Why can't the crappy weather happen when I am at work or school?
 
One of my friends (the one I sorta like) texted me she’s been having stomach issues and the hospital finally figured out what was wrong. She has horseshoe kidney which is basically a fusion of the kidneys. If they break, she’ll need a kidney transplant. I’m glad they were able to figure out what was wrong, but I have a feeling she’ll somehow break the kidney… be it by overworking, (she has two jobs and doesn’t have a day off in the next 3 weeks), reckless driving or some other way. Even though I’m not entirely sure how that works, lol.

Although, she says she’s quitting her second job on the 15th, I’m not sure how truthful this is.

She’s previously tried coming to work when she wasn’t feeling well and had to be sent home. She also has very high stress levels and paces the store, at least every time I worked with her. Sometimes I just want to give her a hug and tell her to calm down.
 
I swear my management of stress and anxiety is getting worse. I’m doing counseling, I’ve upped my meds, I’ve lost weight (one of my many insecurities)…and yet I still can’t break bad habits that cause my anxiety 😥
 
been so busy the last few days (especially today ugh) and I have to get up early tomorrow again just to work for 4 hours. I'm so exhausted. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up oversleeping tomorrow morning, though I'll try my best not to.
 
i had a tonsil stone stuck in the back of my throat and trying to get it out was HELL!! i probably threw up half of my food trying to get that thing out and i feel horrible now
 
i wonder if some people think im weird ..

edit: erm this was supposed to go in random thoughts but i guess it could go here too since it is bothering me
 
The fact that I will probably never be able to own a home. Life is expensive and we are mostly f’d
The fact that I have health insurance but I had to pay 200$ to see a doctor for 10minutes about how I think my pinky toe is broken
The fact that I am not mentally stable enough to be able to even handle having a child and I’m almost 27 -let alone afford having a kid -Let alone even afford giving birth
 

They took this from us in the unneeded sequel.
I don't even play the game. I like the lore and such, but since this is a blizzard game, you know the story isn't in the game.
 
I've been trying to reach out to people on Discord and My Anime List to make some more friends this past week and I keep getting no responses. It doesn't really bother me too much since I'm used to being ghosted and ignored online, but it does make me wonder if I'm presenting myself in the wrong way. There are a few exceptions, but I'm afraid of sending them friend requests. My fear of rejection is really deep.

Also my sleep schedule is getting worse. I woke up at 11 A.M., fell back asleep, and woke up at 5 P.M. again. I have a class at 1 P.M. tomorrow, so I have to wake up at a better time. I sure am going to be tired tomorrow...
 
I’m actually satisfied with my interests currently. Sometimes I just have a lack of identity. Like I’m not sure who I am inside so I adopt different interests or adopt certain views even if I’m not entirely sure I want to. I’ve gotten better at being true to myself. It feels nice when I like something and I’m actually into it myself. *looking at you, hockey*
 
I’m tired of being physically exhausted all day, every day for the past week. It has even gotten to the point where I take a nap when my nephew naps instead of eating my lunch. I probably won’t be able to complete all of the TBT events. This sucks considering the fact that the events benefit charities.
 
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