What's Bothering You?

My brother. I try to keep in mind that he has mental illnesses and can't help everything he does, but he's so selfish, narcissistic, and rude literally all the time. At a certain point, I can't help but believe that some of his bad traits are actually a part of his personality versus things that are out of his control. I get so infuriated by the way he treats my mom like dirt when she bends over backwards to help him every single time he asks. And he tells her she's mean and the worst mother in the world just because she can't make his life perfect.

Sorry, I really needed to get that off my chest.
 
:( I wish I could draw without worrying about how good it is. It’s another perfectionist thing because I feel like it’s the only thing where I can apply my critical thinking to something tangible. It’s my only obvious “skill” and if I drop below 90% it falls to like 5% quality. I don’t feel like it’s even a thing to express myself anymore but something that gives me stress because I want it to work that way and I was proud of my improvement before but too much happened. Every day I get depressed that I’m not having fun drawing and quickly falling back into the “can’t even look at art, too much envy and bitterness, everything everywhere reminds me of it” mindset.
 
kind of a minor bother, but I want to figure out how to play the opening piano solo on the song Harbor Lights and I'll have to listen to it and transcribe it myself so I can figure out all the notes.

I haven't looked to see if anyone else has made a transcription, but to be honest I don't want to look at others' transcriptions anyways, because way too often I find ones that have lots of wrong notes. I have a very sensitive ear when it comes to music and I can easily pick up on stuff like that. not to mention it's hard to even find a good transcription for The Way It Is, the only song of his that still plays on the radio, much less a song of his that's prob never gotten any radio time at all.

I don't mind doing it, it's just a bit of a tedious process. especially when the music I'm trying to transcribe has a lot of relatively thick chords and dissonances. I'll prob end up spending at least a few hours on this. but I know it'll be worth it when it's done. 😌


edit: oh actually there's something slightly more major that's bothering me, some feelings and emotions are incredibly difficult to process and it's so frustrating honestly. trying to just let them have their place but they're taking their sweet old time, not passing like I wish they would. I don't know what to do haha 🥲
 
Last edited:
LadyDestani said:
My brother. I try to keep in mind that he has mental illnesses and can't help everything he does, but he's so selfish, narcissistic, and rude literally all the time. At a certain point, I can't help but believe that some of his bad traits are actually a part of his personality versus things that are out of his control. I get so infuriated by the way he treats my mom like dirt when she bends over backwards to help him every single time he asks. And he tells her she's mean and the worst mother in the world just because she can't make his life perfect.

Sorry, I really needed to get that off my chest.
Click to expand...
I know exactly how you feel. My brother is 43 and still lives at home and this describes him perfectly. It's as if there is always an atmosphere wondering when he's going to throw his next tantrum.
 
I’m closing tonight at my one job and it’s stressing me tf out. It’s not even noon yet and I already slammed my hands against my head. I almost gave myself internal bleeding. There’s this cool thing where if you’re good, you can do everyone else’s job. The one person quit so now I’m stuck covering all of these closes? Isn’t it the manager’s job to cover these shifts? I feel like a bad person complaining. I’d feel like one saying no when they say “I’m gonna have to put you back on closes until I find someone.” Even though it’s mentally draining.
 
I’m seeing my psychologist again tomorrow and I’m worried about myself cooperating and having a useful session because I’m so deep in self-loathing.

I know it should be my safe space but I want to be out of everything else and I have to keep pulling my weight. After all this I still feel like I didn’t earn rest. I really needed it last month.
 
im getting out of school early for the next two days bc of the heat. they should of just told everyone to do online learning bc there’s really no point if we’re getting out before 12 pm but hey, im not complaining.

also r.i.p to steve harwell, i never listened to anything from smash mouth other than all star and walkin’ on the sun but i love those two songs.
 
finished my drawing and now I have no idea what to do w myself, so I'm kinda stuck in a state of executive dysfunction paralysis lol oops. maybe I should go eat something.

also have one more commission I need to start but I'm having some serious artist's block trying to come up with an idea for it 😣
 
So I just got my muffler fixed, $500 and now four days later I can’t shift into reverse and my ****ing check engine light is on :] love this. love life.
 
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