What's Bothering You?

I've been really bad about forgetting to eat/not eating enough the past few days, and now my hunger signals are all messed up. Right now I can't tell if I'm finally full or if I'm still hungry, ugh. It's not helping that I've always been the type to feel nauseous when I'm really hungry.
 
I feel that I’m too vulnerable and people use that to their own advantage to get something out of me. I don’t know, entertainment or laughs, or perhaps to make themselves feel good? People will honestly just use you for their own benefit and discard you when they feel bored and it’s so draining.
 
I was truly not meant to be a longshoreman and yet here I am after 8 years, still here. I wish I had a dream or a passion or something to go follow. Mehhhhhhhh
 
I slept in an armchair last night and my neck is so sore. It's times like this that I become hyperaware of my age. Ten years ago I would do this every weekend without any aches or pains. 😂
 
Packages getting stuck everywhere you'd think they send live humans/animals rather than dresses or old JE stuff...

Also wish I could have gone to the bookstore yesterday but my friend literally gave me a huge ebi fry plushie that they sell there so i couldn't really have walked inside with one of those randomly in a bag lol
 
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I'm really hungry and I want to go eat but I have to go put my clothes in the washer here in about 13 min and that's not enough time for me to go to the dining hall and come back :|

also seeing lots of parallels between the plays I have to read for theater and my own life/political views, but most importantly my relationship w my dad. it sucks so much to be reminded of how truly terrible my life was when i had to deal w him all the time.
 
there's been so much to take in and think about recently and brain has just gone into freeze mode where it just prefers not to feel any emotion at all hhhhhh
 
also I think I finally understand why my mum gets so annoyed over my dad for no reason...because I feel the exact same rn, he just grinds me up the wrong way and he's so sensitive to every little thing I say or the tone I say it in
 
im really not fond of this theater class that i have to take lol

I especially hate when the prof makes us do VIDEO RESPONSES to questions that have to do with a play's hidden meaning. idk what the deal is but I often have trouble reading a play and deciphering its hidden meanings because as a person with ADD/aspergers I only have the energy to read things at a surface level so unless I read abt the play beforehand I ultimately have no clue what's really going on.


I feel kinda stupid lol

EDIT: HOLD ON THIS IS LITERALLY IT RIGHT HERE
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my (future) employer was like "you're really shy and didn't ask much" ahdbhsajhnf
bruh I didn't ask much because I didn't want to come across as dumb or needy
🙃
let the self doubt, self loathing and overthinking commence
 
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