i still have to finish packing for a trip out-of-state i'm taking tomorrow (i'm leaving in 8 hours) + have to finish a paper before i turn my computer off for the week and it's frustrating me that i can't get myself in gear and finish without getting distracted
i must be allergic to outside or something because 2 weeks back to back of set days of camping and some of my skin is extremely irritated and some parts are dry. bruh.
The self loathing towards my personality is long gone, but I still can’t stand my face. I wish I could look at the mirror without thinking I’m ugly. Guess those insults I got in school have been internalized.
Yeah IPA is horrible hipster beer and I don't even know why people like it. I dunno if I ever tried Bud, but yeah I'd advise actually trying different and more proper beers than those, perhaps in a food context as well rather than just getting drunk on em. My first proper booze experience was actually an alcohol-free beer my cousin bought me as a last-minute gift when I turned 18 and then I had red wine at New year's. So yeah if you want it, try out different things, but yeah I agree a lot of beers are very yuck.
I feel definitely worse thant he last time when I got the first shot.
Well, that is unlucky as we are going to the sea today and it might be a exhausting day..
My left arm is hurting like hell, I feel like throwing up (not sure if that's from pregnancy or the vaccine.. maybe a mix, lol) and I'm super tired
still.. grrrr.. also my right wrist / arm is hurting a lot aswell. Doctor said it can happen during pregnancy, but man it hurts a lot, like I had tears
from the pain when I woke up today. Right now it's better but still really painful.
Also another thing that bothers me.. in short: Once again my mother. She disappointed me enough, that I chose to not even give her a surprise box to reveal the gender of my baby. Not gonna go into details now, or it will be a whole book, haha. Let's just say.. the daughter,
that was there for her the whole time probably won't even see her for the babys birth, as she hinted to my family that it's "too far away"...
and today she asked if I have news for the gender. Me being me, I feel awful for just saying it, instead of making a surprise like I did / do for
everyone else, but she just hurt me too much to deserve it otherwise.. Why can't she just be the same to me than to the rest of my family.. U-U
My only hope is that with the delay we’ll get a more polished version of the game. I’m definitely bummed that it’s release date has been bumped but I’ve also heard the Japan version doesn’t run the best. Maybe by delaying it they’ll be able to sort out some bugs and maybe add in same sex marriage RF5 please
So I just finished the very last episode of this "Rederiet" series I've been watching and I'm ...just a mix between "this is fine" and "try not to cry" memes right now...
You could just send him a text message. It doesn't need to be a big formal thing! I find these conversations often go better over text or email because it gives the other person time to process the information before replying.
I've considered this for a few days but I don't think I want to make it a casual thing because I'm afraid that he won't take it in a casual way. I'm gonna write him a note and give it to him right before I leave to go on my trip. he can process it while I'm gone. if he wants to text me then fine whatever.
speaking of that, my mom is literally in the other room right now chewing him out over the phone. talking about how he needs to stop trying to force me to do things and stop getting so angry when I don't do what he wants me to do. also the fact that he can't control his emotions at all, gets angry over every little thing, and pushes that anger onto us. the fact that he's driving me away every time he gets mad at me for not doing something in college that he wanted me to do, the fact that he pushes these roles onto me all the time (gendered or not), the fact that he has put me into thousands of dollars in debt and then tells me I'm not gonna get anywhere with a music degree, and the fact that he has literally called me a "libtard" for my political views and continuously shoves his love of Trump and pure hatred of Biden in my face constantly.
I really am done with this bs. if he ever wants to be close to me again he's gonna have to man up and apologize. he's never apologized to any of us, only time i remember him apologizing was when my mom was leaving him and he got down on his knees and sobbed. absolutely pathetic.
It’s the worst feeling to be out of breath while wearing a mask and feeling panicked because of it. Especially in a situation you can’t get away from and go take said mask off to breath. There’s nothing to do but take short shallow breaths until I can calm down.
My anxiety is bothering me. I’m trying to wake up and my mom keeps doing stuff in the room. When I am waking up, I need space, so my mom being in here talking and moving stuff around is making me panic a little. there is nothing to panic about yet i feel extremely anxious and i can’t bring myself to get up like usual. like go away until i get up and am awake more. this is irritating me since it is pushing my routine back. i could fall back asleep too. please leave and give me space. if i saw anything my mom will get annoyed or mad…
I told her not to talk to me because I was having a small panic attack and she just talked to me. She could have asked if i was okay or if she could talk now… i’m not mad, no energy yet to be too annoyed either. At least she’s not backing me in a corner. My dad does that as well as others when they’re mad. I can’t articulate my thoughts well or put them together on the spot especially under pressure so when i can’t say anything coherent, he says “talk already!” but he claims he knows i have asperger’s and mental issues… he knows everything. <.<
The firecrackers are going off again. Please stop!
Something else is bothering me. I really want to be done being bothered by a bunch of stuff but something keeps reminding me of them and I keep having weird dreams that stir up bad memories.
