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What's Bothering You?

called the doctors office to see if I could get in sooner just to remember that today is Saturday and the office is closed, so I basically have to deal w this for 2 more days at least :,,,,,,)

can't wait to deal with all the people who think that "depression is just a stare of mind" and "you'll feel better if you think positively" as if it isn't literally a mental illness, that's like saying positivity can make influenza and bronchitis go away lol.
 
Honestly, a lot of things is bothering me. Last night I had so much stuff on my mind, I spent half an hour pacing around my room and talking to myself. I felt crazy and stupid for doing so . . . And paranoid, I thought someone was listening to my monologue.

I talked about a lot of stuff, but the main point was about my art-style. I don't think it would be considered bad, but I don't think it's really good either. I just wish I could do more. I get mad at myself for only drawing Beef Boss and Abby all the fricking time, but when I try drawing something new, it looks wonky and I get discouraged. I see fan-art online and I think: "Wow, that's really good, I wish I could draw like that..." But I know that my art-style won't change if I don't improve.

On a less serious note, I found this thing on Reddit of Poof and Beef Boss singing a Friday Night Funkin' song (Ugh) and I can't stop listening to it?? And I thought I was done with FNF, but I guess not.
This might contradict what I just said, but it's too bad there's no option to loop the song either, because it's only a minute-and-a-half long so I have to keep replaying the video manually to listen to it again.
 
Tested negative for COVID-19 and while I should feel relieved, I'm really not because now I'm not sure what's causing my excessive fatigue lately. It feels like no matter how much sleep I get, I'm completely energy deprived. I have a Dr. Appointment on Monday so I hope they can help. I quit my job recently and it figures during another break something like this happens. It's nice to have a break from not working but I really just want to be able to enjoy it too. My energy has been so low, I haven't felt like I've been able to do much at all.
 
good news: i have an job interview soon!
bad news: i truthfully wasn't expecting to get this far and now im freaking out bad because im awkward and i might have a brain fart during it and they'll hate me.
 
I’ve been having lots of okay days. I haven’t had any extremely good days recently, but none extremely bad either. I guess that’s good? I’m just content with life and not overly excited or upset.
 
Gonna have to sell back my turnips for like 44 bells or else they're gonna rot by tomorrow.
 
trying to muster up the courage to tell this guy I like him and he hasn't seen my message yet and I'm just like hhhhhhh ;; anxiety is so real rn lol


OH GOD OH GOD I JUST TOLD THEM KSJDFKJSDKJFSKDJKFSJDK IDK WHAT TO DO SDHFJSHDFJSD

I'm so terrified that they'll reject me 😞
 
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I found some of my art online while looking at Beef Boss art. This is actually one of my biggest... Fears? I dunno, I just don't like the fact that I have my art thrown out there for anyone to see.
Edit: I guess to clarify, I have drawn some... Things that I'm... Not proud of... Which is putting it very mildly and I'm definitely scared of anybody seeing that.
Screenshot 2022-07-16 8.09.45 PM.png
 
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i should really lose weight but i have zero self control. i crave sweets and chips all the time, i skip breakfast so that probably contributes to it. i mean im not overweight but i don’t eat anything that’s actually good for me half the time, sometimes i just eat because im bored
 
so I basically learned the hard way that my computer absolutely ****s on itself and has a stroke when I'm simply trying to play a video with my editing software lol. luckily my brother is here to rescue me 😅😅
Screenshot-20220716-225542-Discord.jpg

also prob worth noting that when I tried to check the RAM and processor on my control panel both said "not available" lmao
 
I wish I had gotten better speech therapy as a kid. My elementary and middle schools put me in classes for other students on the autism spectrum, but the material wasn't what I needed. I could understand most facial expressions, expressions, and vocal tone just fine (with the exception of telling the difference between a tired face and a frustrated face). What I needed assistance with was establishing boundaries, initiating conversations irl, and maintaining eye contact. I never got help with any of those things, so I ended up trying to pick them through sheer practice. Thanks to that hard work I have become a pretty good texter. I can initiate and maintain online conversations with little thought. Sadly the three aspects I needed help with then are still present now. I have no idea how to set up boundaries with someone. The best eye contact I can give is switching between staring at someone's forehead and looking down to the floor. Unless I'm following a mental script I can't initiate conversations irl either. They're little difficulties that have added up over the years and I don't know where to find answers.
 
Those noobs over at neopets underoffering at one of my pets. Yeah I trained up this BD pets for nice, appropriate UCs offer not stuff I could get with regular converteds. Smh.

Also start working tomorrow after my vacation weeks off. I guess it's good but also wish I could have taken another week now ugh.
 
Had to cancel plans to hang out with my crush today and now I feel really bad.

Edit: I also just found out that my bestest online friend (on a seperate site and not on TBT), who recently returned from their month-long hiatus, is gonna be gone for another two weeks. :(
 
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