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What's Bothering You?

everyone has left me or told me to back off, im now declining in school because of my sick professor who literally does not know how to quiz us, and life in general is literally something new everyday. and not in a good way. im so old and ive accomplished absolutely nothing in my life and bad things just wont stop happening.
 
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I already have so many classes to study for and yet my mom is making me go do 5-6 hours of tutoring sessions a week (Friday, Saturday, Sunday 2 hours each) because my sister couldn’t keep up her own grades and my mom is making me secretly attend and doesn’t want to pay extra. I study every single day for hours so it’s not like I don’t want to learn anything in general. I understand how they’re useful but one of them I’m already taking and I’m not even at that module yet and the other is only specific to a certain aspect of math. Plus, the tutors don’t even know I’m behind the screen taking notes so I can‘t really ask questions directly and my sister doesn’t really take my questions seriously. The tutors are only calling on my sister and talking to her. I almost feel like I’m being punished and I know it‘s supposed to be helpful but for some reason I just hate it.
 
I can tell that I frustrate the hell out of my boss. I can tell that he purposely gets rid of me out of the truck so he doesn't have to deal with me. I'm so, so incapable of following simple instructions. I'm so ****ing stupid. I make constant mistakes. If I can't do simple things, how the hell am I supposed to get a proper career. I'm so tired of being me. The other day when I crashed the company car, I wish it was a head-on crash where I had died. No one wants me here anyway
 
Hey, all you people posting that the world would be better off without you. Stop that noise. I know it takes more than some words from a stranger on the internet. But, you're all wrong about that. Also, if there's one thing I've learned about feeling "useless"...it's that life isn't about having a "use". Life is for living. You aren't here to do anything for anyone else, or to be "of use" to anyone else. You can certainly try to be of use to people...if you are in the position to do so. But, that isn't why you exist. Y'all are here to experience things...and to live the way you want to. And if you are feeling "useless" at any time, you need to consider how many totally rad things there are out there to see and do.

One thing that always helped me through times of depression or anxiety was to think of things like this...when you are really low and you don't care if you live or die, you can actually think of that as the ultimate freedom. You could wake up at 5am and walk down the street, and walk 20 miles in a random direction. If you drive, then drive somewhere until you run out of gas. There might be consequences, but those consequences are not as severe as death. And in the meantime, you have done something you never would have done...and you'll probably feel better for it.

If you already wish death upon yourself, then literally every consequence of experiencing life will fall well below that mark that you've set. I'm not recommending you do anything illegal or morally "wrong". I'm just saying...you have the ultimate freedom to take risks that you otherwise wouldn't. And in doing so...I'll bet that you discover you don't actually want to die after all. It's worked for me countless times. So...walk into those woods and climb the tallest tree. Walk to the next town over without knowing how you'll get back home. Do some random nonsense that means nothing. It's a life-changing way to be. Feeling like you want to die is different than actually wanting to die. You need to teach your brain to understand that. Unfortunately, the actual "key" is different for everyone. I'm not saying that the specific examples I mentioned will work for you. But...the formula is pretty much thus.

Just, you know...be safe in whatever you do. Don't run away from home if you are a younger child. I'm not recommending that. I'm just saying...the top consequence of wanting to die is actual death. A permanent consequence. Any small risk below that is a good way to snap out of that mindset. A healthy mind requires those small risks.
 
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LuchaSloth said:
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Click to expand...

I wasn’t planning on reacting to or posting in this thread ever again, but I simply had to love this post. It was beautifully written and I’m glad you took the time to write it. Kudos to you.

(In case anyone is wondering why I haven’t been posting here I guess it’s because nothing will ever bother me more than my mom’s death. I actually got done talking earlier to someone who has genetic depression and helping them out. I’ve also become friends again with people that I had a falling out with before. Life is worth living for sure)
 
just a slight bother, I wasn't able to write my full story for the story writing contest. still working on it, might post it in The Museum when I'm done. I wish I had a chance to go over the story and make sure it made sense in terms of progression.

I've written too many college essays to accept an "okay"-ly written story lmao
 
I've been kicking myself a lot lately for being unemployed again. I didn't actually lose my job due to COVID, but instead having a pretty bad mental breakdown where I just couldn't take the abuse from my call center job anymore.

I often feel like I'm just not meant to exist in current society (I don't mean this in a suicidal way). The things that bring me joy in life are drawing and playing video games, and being able to make a living off of doing those is very, very difficult without having the means to network.

I took a shot in the dark and sent in an audition to a V-Tuber agency because that's literally my dream job. The agency would still pay us so we wouldn't have to rely on donations 100% so long as we could stream consistently.

I guess I just... want to hope that my only choices to survive in life aren't just taking abuse in a ****ty customer service job until I crack.

I never had the opportunity to finish college thanks to the benefits for people like me being cut, so that's really all I qualify for.

Sorry for being so personal. TBT is enough of a secluded community that I feel safer unloading this all here as opposed to Twitter or FB where it can easily be traced back to me. Employers aren't gonna look at the posts I make on an animal crossing forum lmao.
 
I really wish my study group would just stop talking about politics every. single. day, either it be text or every time we call and do work together. I swear, it’s everyday of the week and they don’t go a single day in that group chat without talking about politics and it’s always so negative. Conveniently, the class is about history, and we have to stop and answer a question or read a section from a chapter and they just go off on either a 20-text rampage or a half an hour talk about their opinion of politics. I just go kind of quiet and I even had to pretend to agree with them (even though I really don’t ugh) and they know it. They’re just like after a while, “Oh hi, Lightspring, how are you doing“? really sweetly, but I know the real them, or at least one of them.

The thing is, if they want to talk about politics with just the 2 of them, I’m totally cool with that, leave me out of it. I couldn’t possibly disagree with them or ask them to stop because they’re the type of radical people to hound you about your opinion and I’ve had to lie about my political tendencies directly. Why can’t we just answer questions smoothly without having to delve into politics every 5 seconds? I can’t just leave the group, they think I’m friends with them but on my part that is far from the truth. Let’s be real, they’re the friends, and I’m just the tag along, which I am completely fine about it, I just don’t want anything to do with that anymore.

Especially one of them, who I’ve known earlier, has been known by my friends and even her closest friend (who I was friends with) as extremely annoying, manipulative, and a liar. She’s the type of person who I thought I could probably confide with with my issues, but then she would be there the next second to blurt it out to the whole entire class with me watching. She has gone around telling people secrets I thought she would keep in front of my face and then pretending like it isn’t hurtful. Today, she was like, “You’re just so cute, Lightspring. Like, everything you do is just so cute.” Thanks, but I don’t think that’s a compliment?

The other person I haven’t known too long, though has made it known that she hates
men and white people
for no good reason just to hate, and it kind of hurts considering every time she bashes those groups, whether through texting or I’m there on call with her, that she bashes half of me. I may look Asian in appearance, but I’m also half white with one white male parent and a lot of people tend to just ignore that.

The point is, I’m just scared of being canceled on their social media (since that’s a trend now) and I don’t want others to find about my political opinion. It’s that simple, why make a big deal out of it?
 
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Gotta figure out what villagers I'm gonna use for my barbie themed island. I know that i'm gonna have someone act as Raquel, and i'm probably going to have a separate account be Ken, but the one part that's bugging me is-

Whose gonna be Bibble?
 
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probably really weird of me to be bothered by this but on nookazon i have it in my bio to please leave me a review after we finish trading and lately no one has been leaving me reviews in return ... it just bothers me so much bc they either dont bother to read the bios or just dont care. idk if theres a way to take away a review after leaving one but i wish i could just take away the review i give them if they dont give me a review back in like 10-20 minutes 😭
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also a lot of ppl ive traded with are kinda dry like ill be like "hiii!!" and theyre just like "hi"
then i say "tysmm!!" and they just say "ty" like... atleast try to match the energy D:
 
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Overheard my "favorite" (I guess you can say) sister is depressed. It makes me sad because she's the best walking meme I know and is genuinely happy most of the time.
 
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