What's Bothering You?

I got like 4 hours sleep last night, probably because I'm nervous about moving into the flat I've chosen 🙃
 
I’m tired of my mom telling me what I should or shouldn’t wear and telling me that she’s done everything for me as a child. My mom feels that no one in this household is grateful for her and what she has done and instead takes everything out on me. Frustrations from my dad, my sister, and even me sometimes. I’m also tired of being my sister’s punching bag and getting angry at me for no reason. I’m just so tired of this.
 
I would love that super star collectible just bc I love Super Mario stuff so much but I'm thinking it's not gonna happen, mostly cause I'm so busy with schoolwork I don't have much time/energy to participate :,,,,,,)
(edit: I hope I can find time cause I would loveeeeeeee to have a super star, we need more super mario collectibles smh)


edit: also my mom did that thing again where I was talking to her about me being ace and she's like "oh you might change your mind someday, I know people who said the same thing and 5 yers later they're married and have a baby on the way" and I replied by saying "please don't say that, I'm not 'changing my mind'. that's like telling a gay man that he'll find a nice girl and change his mind someday." and then she never replied.

looking back on it I prob sounded kinda rude so I'm gonna apologize. but it really irks me that people don't take asexuality seriously, like I'm just confused or "questioning." like bruh no, I'm literally just ace idk what's so difficult to understand abt that.
 
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this whole flatting thing is stressing me out 😫 idk how this flat operates and I hate not knowing things hhhhhh
 
i keep waking up super late on weekends and it’s so annoying lol i wanna wake up around 10-11am but i end up waking up at 2-3 pm
 
Pushing my sleep schedule back for my new job is exhausting. Starting on Monday I’ll be waking up at 6 every morning. I haven’t been up consistently since early 2019... I’m generally happier in the morning, so maybe this will help me in the long term. If only fixing my sleep schedule wasn’t so challenging.

Also I hate late Spring/Summer around here. The weather becomes so dry and repetitive. I’ve lived here for seven years and my hands still get dry from this climate.
 
feels like most of my friends don't give a **** about my interests or when I talk about them so I wonder why I even stick around when my interests are all I wanna talk about and nobody cares?
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to get them to even acknowledge the things I send in i have to send things im not nearly as interested in and it just. really sucks

I feel this. i’ve felt like this so many times. I’m really sorry that you are experiencing this. If you need to vent, feel free to dm me. Been there so many times in high school and lost some friends that I had been with for years fairly recently about finally realizing they only show interest when I’m complimenting them or showing them sympathy (only one or two people - both offline friends - just clarifying).
 
bad nerves but aside from that i’m okay :) worried about spider that fell behind my desk where i can’t reach it when my mom knocked it down with duster.i mean worried about it crawling on me and just being in my room 🤢 (shudder).

earlier didn’t get the unit wanted when i did the multi. :( but i read he wasn’t as good as he should have been so maybe it is okay and i should try saving up to pull for repeat banner of a different unit that i wanted before this banner came out. ia bit conflicted about his unit anyways since he looks nothing like how i imagined him to be without helmet
 
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This is my first Mother's Day without my grandmother who passed away from Covid-19 last year. She was like a mother to me, and every year we'd do something special for her. I feel numb, and I miss her so much.

Also, mum is in another state in a nursing home - gotta do what I can from where I am to make her feel special.
 
The quote from my ex that my former classmates kept gossiping about is looping in my head. “I don’t care, he is nothing.” No matter how much I research their mental illness, I still can’t understand how a person can shift their opinions about someone so quickly and discard them.

On nights like this I have to keep reminding myself that I’m safe and that there are better people out there. There really are people who don’t lie about leaving you and don’t act like it’s your fault weeks later. I have to remind myself that because the gaslighting can become overwhelming.

At least the romantic feelings are long gone. Now I have just to finish processing this grudge and paranoia.
 
there was a spider in my bed, not certain the one i squished was it or a different one, so i'm sharing my dog's bed tonight and cleaning my bed tomorrow 😭 it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't in my bed...
 
woke up like 5 times last night so I'm still feeling pretty tired this morning :<
also good news is I only have a week and a half before classes end, bad news is I'm so burned out, instead of getting that schoolwork done like any normal student I would rather just curl up in my bed and not get up.

oh and last night i didn't my loan exit counseling and my loans (just for undergrad) total to... $26,600! fantastic!
*luckily my interest is currently frozen at 0% for covid relief but still.... oof.
 
Potential f2f classes in August/September and I’m not ready 😭 I don’t wanna leave home yet ahhh.
Other med schools are ending their semester this month, while we still have classes alllllll the way to June. Please why is our school like this I’m so damn exhausted fjjdjdks
Also I wish I cared more about my exam tomorrow. Still have 3 more topics to tackle and it‘s 8 pm. I wonder what time I’ll be sleeping.
 
I feel like I just spent most of the week being depressed/panicked. There were at least five different reasons, too. Now I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm still like that...
 
the school I want to go to for my grad degree (which is in a different state) has an in-store tuition of only about 15k but an out-of-state tuition of 50k???? like why?????

it also only had about a 22% acceptance rate last year sooooo ofc I'm doubting myself and just telling myself "you're not a goof enough musician to go there." I've been rejected by schools before so it is a real possibility for me and I cannot handle rejection at all.
 
My nieces wanted me to watch this show with them and my dad would not shut up during the show; he does this every time. He asks questions that he would know the answer to if he wasn’t busying talking. i hate doing family stuff when he’s out there.
 
My nieces wanted me to watch this show with them and my dad would not shut up during the show; he does this every time. He asks questions that he would know the answer to if he wasn’t busying talking. i hate doing family stuff when he’s out there.

god i feel this - this is why i can’t watch anything with my dad as he’ll talk through it but if i say something, i get yelled at 🥴. i’m sorry you and your nieces had to deal with that - behaviour like that is annoying as hell. :c
 
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