What's Bothering You?

I accidentally cut my toe earlier (the one I’m resting) and it hurts like nothing else. It’s one in the morning too… Guess I’ll have to sleep through the aching.
 
My mom is going to my sister’s tomorrow which means I have to do my cat’s iv treatments with my dad. It takes forever with him since he doesn’t do it right, not to mention that he doesn’t wash his hands before and doesn’t after going to the bathroom, and my cats can sense his anxiety. I really need to make a point to learn how to do this on my own 😣.

I don’t want to sleep. Got only a little bit more to color and then I’m done. but, I’ve been feeling strained last couple of days or more becausw I haven’t been taking big breaks and been working on this the time i get up to the time I go to bed. 😅 so along with not wanting to get yelled at for staying up too late, i definitely should get some sleep.
 
my work has a branch meeting tomorrow morning which includes everyone from work (120+ people). I still don't feel that I fit in anywhere with anyone at work, so I feel so alone with things like this. I hate social events like this as it just elevates my anxiety to a new level.
 
facepalm, mom you should know how to measure shoulders you flippin even worked for ages with it lol
 
tbh I hate school so much but I know I'll make more money if I go into a graduate program. It's getting to that time where I have to decide, but I'm just so tired and I don't know what to do. It's difficult being the first one in your entire family to graduate uni. I can't get advice from them.
 
The trauma from my treatment during and after that relationship has come back. I’d take a walk to lessen my anxiety, but it’s 99 degrees and my toe still hurts.

I know that person doesn’t deserve a second of my energy. It’s just painful to know that I’m the bad guy in their eyes and that they’re apathetic to what they did to me. I just want a genuine apology and my old personality back. Of course I’ll never get those things.
 
I think I’ve conditioned myself to fall asleep whenever I read. I can only manage a couple of chapters now before I get really drowsy 😢
 
My mom was lecturing me about stupid things such as what kind of photos I should or shouldn’t send to people close to me. A whole photo album got shared to my family and my mom criticizes me for sending “bad” and “unflattering” photos and that it’s the end of the world. Like, who are you to judge if I send a photo of a silly double chin 🙄
 
I went to a baby shower today, that was presented to me like it was going to be a safe event being mindful of covid restrictions still in effect. Instead it was completely not, they just had everyone sitting together at one big table no separation amongst households. I felt so unsafe the entire time, I was hesitant about going and I feel regret for giving in to pressure to go.

I know that in all likelihood it's going to turn out fine but I'm home now and still feeling sort of uncomfortable about the whole thing. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to go back to normal life when I'm terrified of being a carrier and unknowingly infecting someone.
 
Woke-up with sunburn, bloodied toes, and the annoying reminder that one of my shoes is damaged beyond repair.

Whatever you're imagining in your head is far more exciting than what really happened.
 
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