What's Bothering You?

My rabbit needs surgery on her foot. I’m not even sure how it happened because we haven’t seen any evidence of this happening. The people checking her over couldn’t even get a good look at what was going on when I took her in a week ago. They just gave us wipes and sent us home, but she’s in a lot of pain and will need surgery. I’m just incredibly sad that she’s hurting and it’s all my fault.
 
Totoroki said:
My rabbit needs surgery on her foot. I’m not even sure how it happened because we haven’t seen any evidence of this happening. The people checking her over couldn’t even get a good look at what was going on when I took her in a week ago. They just gave us wipes and sent us home, but she’s in a lot of pain and will need surgery. I’m just incredibly sad that she’s hurting and it’s all my fault.
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Rabbits are prey animals who break easily by design, so it's not your fault! She could have hurt her foot just by playing & hopping around. I hope she heals up with no complications!
 
Totoroki said:
My rabbit needs surgery on her foot. I’m not even sure how it happened because we haven’t seen any evidence of this happening. The people checking her over couldn’t even get a good look at what was going on when I took her in a week ago. They just gave us wipes and sent us home, but she’s in a lot of pain and will need surgery. I’m just incredibly sad that she’s hurting and it’s all my fault.
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it is absolutely not your fault. i know from personal experience that that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. it’s obvious how much you love and care for her and you haven’t left her to suffer, nor did you do this to her. like oak said, rabbits are just incredibly fragile creatures, but that’s not on you. you’re doing the best you can.

i hope that the surgery goes well and i wish her a speedy recovery. i’ll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. <3
 
my choir director put me up front for the last song. That's fine and all, but there's this weird unnecessary wall that blocks off the mirrors from the door (which i'm also right in front of) and its hard to see what we're doing. And i'm too shy in the class to ask to be able to see, and theres a dance test on the choreo we learned today-
its just a mess lol
 
i really wanna do colorguard this semester but i thought it was too late until one of the band directors told me i still had time to join. i talked to my parents about it and they said i could join if i take it serious and tbh it made me kinda upset they keep saying “if you take it serious” because obviously i am. they’ve stopped me from doing this every single year of hs, and it irritates me so much. it hurts my feelings when my parents tell me i don’t take anything serious or im just gonna quit when it gets hard. they made me quit colorguard in my sophomore year by guilt tripping me so many times and because they didn’t wanna help me pay for the band fees they require. i’ve been wanting to do colorguard since 7th grade when i went on a field trip w my band in middle school to go watch my future high school compete. they made me quit band my freshman year and i regret listening to them tbh i should’ve just stayed bc it’s not like they were the ones going to school. i wish i had supportive parents??? idk why they can’t just let me do something i’ve been wanting to do, they always have to find an excuse for me not to do it. honestly i really want to do it this year and idrc if they tell me no i’ll try to find a way to do it because i’ve been wanting to do this for so long and it’s my senior year and i want to have a good experience :/
 
I've run out of excedrin. went through a bottle of 200 caplets and another bottle of 24 in less than a year. needless to say maybe i should talk to my doctor about why i get headaches so often.

edit: another absent minded moment today, I wanted to renew my Greenwood Glow backdrop before they became unavailable so I discarded mine and.... they're already sold out. why did I not check that beforehand? I'm so upset now 🙃🙃🙃
 
I'm so sick of life. Wake up from a nap to my dad lecturing and ranting at me about how I haven't changed, and he's going to put me in this "program for people with autism". What a ******* joke. The reason nothing's changing for me is because they've been approaching this incorrectly the entire time. They haven't been supportive or encouraging at all lately, instead force feeding me things to do like I'm some sort of machine. **** off with that BS. My life used to be better and now that my mom has passed it seems like it's going to go in the toilet, so I might as well not try anymore. I've seen what people in this world are like and everyone is only in it for themselves anyway. Because people are selfish by nature.

EDIT: They want me to be "a part of the family" but won't even be loving and supportive like, I don't know, an ACTUAL ******* family is? This isn't a family anymore anyway. It fell apart when my mom died and my sister went to jail.
 
Diluc said:
I'm so sick of life. Wake up from a nap to my dad lecturing and ranting at me about how I haven't changed, and he's going to put me in this "program for people with autism". What a ******* joke. The reason nothing's changing for me is because they've been approaching this incorrectly the entire time. They haven't been supportive or encouraging at all lately, instead force feeding me things to do like I'm some sort of machine. **** off with that BS. My life used to be better and now that my mom has passed it seems like it's going to go in the toilet, so I might as well not try anymore. I've seen what people in this world are like and everyone is only in it for themselves anyway. Because people are selfish by nature.

EDIT: They want me to be "a part of the family" but won't even be loving and supportive like, I don't know, an ACTUAL ******* family is? This isn't a family anymore anyway. It fell apart when my mom died and my sister went to jail.
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Hello there.
It's terrible that you find yourself in such a situation. Nobody should feel so crushed on daily life, not receiving support from anyone :( While I agree with you about humans being selfish, throughout the years I've met some nice people in these forums. They've been enocuraging lately in a moment when I need emotional support. So, I know that some people in the world at least try. I feel sad for you if you believe not having anyone like that in your surroundings.
I'll wish and hope for your well-being. I guess that a stranger somewhere in the planet wishing you the best won't mean a lot, but I will hope that you find someone to relay on soon. Someone that will make you feel the worthy person you are.
But keep trying! Don't allow those people to win, don't let them drag you down, don't give them the satisfaction of believing they were right about you. Stand proud in your own life and show them!
 
Can’t sleep partially due to nerves. I still have not received a confirmation from streamily if my edited request was approved and today will be day two of the signings. I sent them two messages and just another now—as much as I hated to, my anxiety just cannot deal with waiting till my print is being signed to find out the request to change something was not received. it is totally fine if the voice actors can’t do it; that is something else. someone told me when they needed to do something like change an order, they received a reply within 24 hours, so I am really troubled that the signings started and nothing yet. I wonder if the person was talking about the automated responses with confirmation of the order though? I am starting to think that this support maybe doesn’t give you confirmation of updates to the order. I know this is stupid yet I can’t control my nerves. >< Anxiety sucks so much.
 
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this cat is getting on my last nerve, I told my mom we shouldn't keep her 😑

also using a prepaid card on amazon shouldn't be any kind of difficult, yet here we are.
 
Peach_Jam said:
wonder what uninterrupted, proper sleep is like. I don't know her.
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Same. I either don't sleep, don't sleep well, or I go to sleep and my body wakes me up at 3, 4, or 6 a.m. for some ungodly reason lately. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until 8 a.m., but I guess my body has other plans...
 
I hate writing cover letters. I hate writing resumes as well but cover letters are even worse - at least with resumes I'm mostly just listing the responsibilities my previous jobs have had and it's a smaller section about ~my qualifications~ whereas the cover letter is basically just about me. I hate it. I hate writing about why I think I'd be good for a job and needing to highlight my skills and whatnot. It makes me feel like a liar, lmao. I don't think I'm good at anything and I hate needing to do what feels like lying!! I don't feel like I have any workplace skills but I need a job 🙃

I'm so frustrated and stressed. I hate covid. I hate not working with kids. I hate feeling like my entire career path has been turned upside down. Working with kids is really the only thing I know how to do and it's the only thing I know I really enjoy. But I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of working with like 20 small kids who are still learning how to cover their coughs in the middle of a pandemic, especially when many places still don't have good circulation or proper, openable windows in many classrooms to make things even worse. The whole thing is a big joke - there's never been a way to socially distance toddlers but childcare teachers have been expected to just. Be fine with that I guess. I know it's bad for elementary and above school teachers too right now. Our province is a ****ing joke with our like. 30 kid classroom sizes. You can't socially distance a room with 30 kids in it. You just can't. It's even more dangerous since guess who's allowed to teach the vulnerable children? ****ing unvaccinated people. ~They need to get a bi-weekly covid test~ so??? You think they only have covid on Tuesday and Thursday??? What About Monday??? Wednesday???? Friday??? They've got time to spread it before they're tested and sure teachers still have to wear masks but not when they're eating. Or drinking. And don't get me started on the people who purposefully wear their masks wrong or wear mask "alternatives" that don't stop the spread.

And since I'm here venting anyways I am so sick and tired of people who refuse to get vaccinated, refuse to wear masks, but still insist that they deserve to go out and party or get on ****ing planes to go on vacations, or work with kids or other vulnerable people, or do whatever else with the general population. This should've been under control by now. But it's not. Schools are re-opening and everybody is basically just waiting for it to all go wrong and for them to close by Christmas break like last year. It's a god damn cycle but unvaccinated people are sitting there with their fingers in their damn ears going, "lalalalalala not my faultttttt!!! Nothing to do with me!!!! my body my choice (lmaoooo the irony when that's a ****ing phrase for the right to have an abortion and so many of these anti-vaxxers are also anti-choice) I want to see a movie in theatres so I will!!!!!" instead of being a ****ing adult about things. We had a ****ing protest in my town and people are comparing vaccines to... segregation. Like. Racial segregation. Because we are maybe implementing a vaccine passport that states on September 22nd the unvaccinated people can't dine in at restaurants, go to bars, the movies, the gym, or other things like that. They can still go retail shopping though, go to the mall, get their hair and nails done, etc.

I'm just so grumpy and exhausted. If this was too mean then the mods are free to delete it. Idk. I'm just tired. I wish I was able to just ~act like nothing is happening~ because ~I'm vaccinated so what's the big deal?~ but I have this wonderful thing called anxiety. As in an actual anxiety disorder not cute little nerves. So this pandemic? Yeah. Been absolutely lovely. Super thrilled with crying all the time, having panic attacks, somehow managing to put on weight while also having an upset stomach at least once a week but usually more. I've been a ****ing wreck this whole time and I am just. done.
 
I had to make a choice between eating breakfast or leaving a little earlier to get coffee. I chose the coffee. Waiting for my vet to send the place the paper work over so she can get her surgery, it’s frustrating having to wait. On the bright side though she loves her antibiotics and is an angel about taking them. Bakugo fights it so hard, we usually have to trick him by making the syringe smell like cilantro which is his favorite food and even then it’s not the easiest.

edit: I forgot to mention that I’m having really bad art block rn. I have so many plans for things I want to do, but I end up getting frustrated and scrapping everything I do, it’s like I have no desire to fight through it.
 
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i want to properly vent so bad, but the brain fog from this depression is making that next to impossible. i just. i have to send an email to my guidance counsellor later and i am absolutely dreading it. i should have graduated a year ago, but thanks to the bull**** that is depression, anxiety and the plethora of other issues that i have, i’m still in high school and i have absolutely no idea whether or not i’m even still a student at this school because i should have graduated last year. this is also a conversation that i should’ve had with my guidance counsellor back in june, but of course my anxious ass put this off for as long as possible :D. i know getting it over and done with will hopefully alleviate my depression and anxiety a bit, but i’m honestly scared lol. the cherry on top of the cake is the fact that i don’t even know how to word my email since the brain fog has made me illiterate and unable to come up with anything that makes sense.

i have absolutely no words to describe just how much i hate that i’m like this. i hate that i’m still in high school. i hate that the thought of sending an email to someone is enough to make my stomach upset and my body cold with anxiety. i hate that i can’t make phone calls. i hate that my hair is so matted that i have to get it all chopped off soon. i hate that my teeth are ****ed. i hate that i can’t muster up the energy, or even the desire, to clean my disgusting ass room. i hate everything about my existence lol. i want to be normal so ****ing bad. i want to live, not just exist, but i can’t. i want out of this damn apartment. i want to go outside. i want to be around people. i just want to feel better.

i’m trying to remain as positive as humanly possible, but i just feel so ****ty mentally. i’m desperate for things to change, but i can’t bring myself to do what needs to be done. i’m almost 20 years old and have nothing to show for it. i’d give anything to be someone else or for a do over. i’m tired of sitting here and waiting to die, but i don’t have the energy for much else. what a lousy existence this is lol.
 
Streamily didn’t edit my request. i have so many panic attacks the last few days waiting for a response and they didn’t end up saying it is too late or anything. Find out today my request wasn’t edited. really upset right now
 
I'm not trained in computer science and my grad school's general coding program was pretty abysmal but the jobs that are hiring for my specific field all require so much more on that front than I can currently provide. I basically taught myself everything I currently know at my internship and even that wasn't an industry job, so none of what I'm doing even means anything. I feel stupid and dejected every time my app is turned down. I also wonder if I'll have to settle for a job that pays much less and is not what I want to do or learn just so I have money in my wallet. I can only stay at my current job for a limited amount of time so it feels even more horrible that all of my apps are getting rejected at the door.

I'm seriously feeling so hopeless and useless, it's spiking up my depression and anxiety levels and I wonder if I need to get back on SRIs just to not think myself into a breakdown.
 
loooooooooowkey thinking of restarting my NH island lol

also generally feeling like a blob bc I feel like I should be job hunting but it's being complicated by 3 things (me being autistic, rise in new COVID cases, and me just generally still battling depression). I feel pretty worthless ngl, I hate being so dependent because my dad has always used our dependence on him to get us to do stuff for him.
 
I feel what you guys are saying about the job market and the job hunt in my soul. I've been hunting for a job that will pay enough for me to move out for over a year now, and have come up with nothing. The only saving grace is that student loans have been extended for me for as long as they have. I'm most likely going to be taking another temporary job soon as well, which just means I'll be making money, but will have less time to find the right job for me. I know it feels hopeless, but don't give up guys. Even if it doesn't seem like it at times there's always at least one or a few things all of us can do well. ❤
 
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