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What's Bothering You?

I just had a mental breakdown in the corner of my room, crying my eyes out because I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. Part of the reason is from a video game, and the other parts is my family and outside noise (I have sensory issues, especially with touch and hearing). I feel so pathetic, because it feels like I'm crying for nothing. I'll spare the super-long text because I just don't have the energy to type it all out, my mind is scrambled and I'm having trouble trying to keep my thoughts together anyway.

I also just got a notification on my tablet about my mom's up-coming birthday, and it felt like a punch in the gut; I know that I won't be there to celebrate it, I haven't seen her since January.

Edit: My Wii Motion Plus is having issues now. It keeps disconnecting and calibrating when I'm in the middle of Swordplay Showdown. (Also not very happy with the fact that the game doesn't automatically pause when this happens, which causes me to lose a heart. By the way, that's something I don't want to happen because I'm trying to get a stamp.) I even got this pop-up:
IMG_20220722_192822.jpg
 
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my switch lite is having some battery issues and i've been thinking about getting an oled switch for a while now but i'm not sure if it's worth it to buy one now, if i'd even use it, or if i can afford it. :(
 
it's almost 2am, why am I still awake :,,,,,,,,) I honestly wish I never had to sleep lol

also just stressing abt so many things, my mind likes to hyperfixate on every problem/worry I'm dealing with in the moment so that's cool 👌
 
I’m gonna kinda miss home sitting. I like being in a house by myself with a dog and two cats. If only I could get a flat of my own. I feel like I might as well live alone as I have next to nothing to do with my flatmates anyway. Probably if I didn’t get to look after my flatmates dogs I would’ve left lol, they’re the only things that keep me happy in that place.
 
regular/linear tv channels blocking like, soccer games behind paywalls when they have like 2-3 other channels that are free they could use instead.
 
I found a bunch of crap back when I was in high school and I was getting cyber bullied quite a bit from people I went to school with. I stumbled across a message from this one girl that had me just super depressed and hating myself. It makes me realize how far I’ve come, and that kids were still *******s ten years ago.

If I come face to face with this girl again. Idk, would I feel anger, or nothing? Would she feel bad for bullying me or is she still stuck in her ways? I don’t even think she’d recognize me.
 
Croconaw said:
I found a bunch of crap back when I was in high school and I was getting cyber bullied quite a bit from people I went to school with. I stumbled across a message from this one girl that had me just super depressed and hating myself. It makes me realize how far I’ve come, and that kids were still *******s ten years ago.

If I come face to face with this girl again. Idk, would I feel anger, or nothing? Would she feel bad for bullying me or is she still stuck in her ways? I don’t even think she’d recognize me.
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Even if they did recognize you they'd 99% pretend nothing has happened unless they're some crazy revenge person and have to drag up everything. Ah well.
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Also people on a specific chat board on neopets. Yikes.
 
Croconaw said:
I found a bunch of crap back when I was in high school and I was getting cyber bullied quite a bit from people I went to school with. I stumbled across a message from this one girl that had me just super depressed and hating myself. It makes me realize how far I’ve come, and that kids were still *******s ten years ago.

If I come face to face with this girl again. Idk, would I feel anger, or nothing? Would she feel bad for bullying me or is she still stuck in her ways? I don’t even think she’d recognize me.
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I had this idea that it would be cool to live in a world where everyone has a personal therapist to talk to. There's so much crap and so many insecurities we all take from our childhood experiences, we would probably be so much happier and more productive if we all had someone like that to talk to and guide us through those things.
 
Apple. Fix your ****ing App Store. No it's not our banks it's YOU, Apple.

So, I tried to refill my Pokécoins earlier, added my bank deets as usual that goes with my card. They wanted me to identify with this Bank ID thing we use here, sure. Nope, kept declining me twice before I got in and then they blame it on my card issuer/bank. Like.. um lol no I can buy perfectly fine elsewhere and oh sorry I forgot Apple is the best company ever -roll eyes-
 
I constantly get the feeling that my parents don't care about me, weather it be something minor like not listening to me when I talk about somethin, even somethin good, or rant, or when I was majorly depressed two years ago and they did not give a flying ****.

Like I just told them about my day at work and this one super nice dog, but they didn't say anythin to contribute to the conversation. My mom straight up walked out & my dad kept creepin to the door to go outside, as they ALWAYS do when I get home. Like, y'alls have mostly ALL FRICKIN DAY alone since both my sis & I work full time jobs. When we get home I stay in my room and my sis usually goes out. God forbid they are in the house when we are. They are constantly going outside in the shed cause I used to go out there when they were on the patio to ask them somethin, so now they cram into the shed.

Idk why I keep bothering with them, they clearly don't care about me. But the second I don't ask my dad how his day was, or for him to not get hurt when going to work, suddenly I'm the bad guy and I must clearly hate my parents for me to stop saying that stuff to them.

Like I have no interests in the stuff my dad has, but I make a damn effort to understand and engage in conversation with him, I ask questions to keep the conversation going and to try to learn about it. I never get the same treatment back. I usually get silence, then when I say something about it, they get mad at me saying 'I don't know what you want me to say' like damn idk maybe make a ****in effort like I do? It's really not that hard?

And I'm not the only one, they do the same damn thing to my sis when she talks/rants about her day/work also. I make an effort to listen, not cut her off like my dad is notorious for doing, and wait for her to finish before I ask or say somethin. If my stupid self can think of responses to say or contribute to the conversation, so can they. Ffs.
 
a girl from my elementary school posted a throwback photo to our graduation party. it had all the girls in it, standing together. i thought it was pretty cool until i realized i was edited out. the photo had all of us in it, and the other girl who was at the end (i was at the right side of the end and the other girl was on the left side) wasn't edited out so.. i kinda think i was just not wanted there. she also posted a photo of the graduation after-party, with the entire batch of kids that graduated with me.. the party that i wasn't told about/wasn't invited to.

the more i think about the reason WHY i was excluded and made fun of so much, the more i just can't seem to really figure out what it is. i was never rude to anyone, even if they were kind of jerks to me. i remember when a boy in my class constantly called me racist words to my face and STILL does to this day, but not to my face. (it's absolutely daffy because... we don't go to the same school and we haven't directly spoken to each other in 4 years. i only learnt that he talks about me through word of mouth and screenshots his friends sent to me.. what a weirdo!!). another time, two girls straight up talked about how stupid i was.. WHILE I WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM! they genuinely thought i was THAT stupid! the teacher heard it but didn't do anything. to be totally honest, the teachers didn't do anything when students got bullied in front of them. i remember a boy saying something and the bullies that were in my class just yelled at him and the teacher didn't do anything at all.

maybe it's just a personal grudge but, i hated that school. those teachers barely helped me or anybody else like me and the students aren't any better. i could write some more very, very large and in-depth paragraphs on how that school failed me and how it will continue to fail other students like me but i'm already sounding too cathartic. no point in dwelling over it now, i guess.
 
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i decided to take my switch on vacation with me and when i decided to pull it out of its bag the left click on the joycon was stuck and doesn’t work like the right one does anymore, there’s also tiny patches of paint that got taken off. unfortunately i don’t think i can send it to nintendo to get it fixed since my brother said that they don’t fix limited time/custom joycons (i have the new horizons switch) but on the bright side, i do think that i can probably fix it myself when i get home since it doesn’t appear broken on the outside so maybe something got displaced on the inside?

also i think my piercing on my left ear closed, i didn’t wear earrings for a few weeks which was stupid but for whatever reason my right piercing didn’t close so now i can only wear one earring 😭
 
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god I'm still annoyed at this player from yesterday.

There were 5 of us in co-op tiering for the event but this player just comes and takes away 3 fillers from our team so they could fill for this person. Honestly it wouldn't have been an issue for me, but the fact that this person took away 3 people in the middle of a round annoys me so much. When the score screen loaded, there were only 2 of us left in the room and the player was like "Hey sorry for splitting the room I kinda need the fillers right now."

Today I saw a new rule being made saying if you need to really optimize your team (esp for top 10 runners), plan your supporters and schedule ahead or join a group where people know how to fill more properly. I'm glad they implemented that rule because stealing fillers on the spot was just so rude.

edit: said player got kicked out of the server for apparently being a cheater and a bad sport. good to hear.
 
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I’m actually excited to work today rather than being neutral about it. I like having a competent manager that keeps the nonsense under control and isn’t part of the nonsense.

Also, my favorite person and crush are both leaving for, like, a month. 🙃

And that idiot (the incompetent manager) I was going to call to have his car towed finally got his car inspected. There goes my plan. 🙄

…ALSO. I’m contemplating going to my favorite person’s Christmas party I guess she’s calling it? It’s not until December obviously but idk if I’m really the partying type considering I’ve only ever been to ONE PARTY. I’ll think about it, though. I just don’t want to be a burden, especially if that manager is going to be there I literally cannot.
 
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