What's Bothering You?

First day back at work today. Woke-up at 3am, eventually got up at 3:45am. It's going to be a long day.

My PT had me doing deadlifts for the first time yesterday. My upper back aches like hell. Probably linked to why I can't sleep - can't get comfortable!
I dozed off. Woke-up at 8:33am. Work starts 8:30am. 🤦‍♂️

Arrived 40 minutes late to be told the boiler is still out. So no hot water or heating and it is 1C (33.8F) outside!
 
Had my sister messaging me today at work to ask me what my signing in details for Facebook are. Something to do with trying to communicate with our dad, a dad I must say who I haven't seen or heard from in over 15 years.
(The only reason I have my dad on Facebook in the first place, is that months ago, my sister did have access to my account and requested him as a friend, which he accepted but never messaged me at all and I don't plan to either.)
I told her I don't know my password off by heart. I told her the best thing is to wait till I'm home for me to sign out and sign in again to make sure, because I have several different passwords, and didn't want her knowing them all. As I did try and sign out on my phone, but once I tried signing in again, it automatically signed me back in without me trying a password. Her response: 'So you can't tell me now'
I said again, I dunno, and I am at work. Then she told me 'stop being useless, think'

And as my other coworker and boss came in, she started trying to ring me SEVERAL TIMES as I'm dealing with customers.
I had to turn my phone off. It was not the end of the world for this information, and then to say that above just got me angry, so when I was about to leave I turned my phone on to go off at her via message and then left the shop; knowing full well my phone will have no wifi connection while I walk home.
 
When I have certain problems I struggle to discuss them at all because I get sick with anxiety. I have some bothering me right now and I am not sure what to do. I guess I should be glad I am not impulsive because then this would all go horribly wrong, but the anxiety can get excessive. One of these has been going on for years and definitely not getting better.
 
I can't even think straight right now. I'm now realizing that because of my stupid decisions and inactions, it's brought forth great consequences.

Had I told my manager a couple days earlier that I was ready to work again, I would've been working this week. But my manager had already done the schedule, so I have to wait till next week to work. I couldn't get a hold of her number until today anyways, but I'm still irked. With me taking the week off (upon my manager's request) and this, I'm missing out on two week's worth of pay. :\

Because I was so overwhelmed about college, I didn't do any of the stuff I was supposed to until I realized it's all come to bite me in the ass. To put it lightly, I don't have housing settled and my dad is sure as hell not gonna drive me to college and back every day. I could look for an apartment, but they're stupidly expensive in Canada and all my savings are just gonna go down the drain...

To be fair, I couldn't complete the dormitory application due to having insufficient information that was given to me after the deadline had passed, and all my calls/emails not being responded to. But in the end, I'm still at fault because I didn't get my **** together sooner.

I'm dreading having to tell my parents, because they want me to be transparent and keep them up-to-date with my life. I'm just gonna get the same lectures about the same **** I've already been told, get into arguments, and have another ****ing mental breakdown. I've made the same mistake twice now. At this rate, my younger brother is gonna be in college before I will be. My dad told me this while we had an argument a few days ago, and it really stung. I'm just so mad and disappointed in myself. How do I keep ****ing up?

I find it ironic that even though I've mentioned multiple times about how much I hate work and not wanting to go to college, I'm upset about not being able to do either. But I think it's moreso my parents being disappointed in me because I'm not doing something useful with my life. ("You wanna have a purpose in life? Go to work or college." My dad's exact words.)

I also pulled an all-nighter last night and I'm starting to feel the effects. I might just sleep for the rest of the day.
 
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