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What's Bothering You?

I went to the doctor again, my usual doctor was out but basically I just gotta keep doing what I’m doing and I cringe at that!

Also drama somewhere else that was bubbling around ugh
 
I quit my job, I genuinely couldn’t take being run into the ground a minute longer, I was taking 3 hour naps when getting home and missing out on quality time with my kids, I know I’m gonna struggle with money until I find something new but I also needed to want to live and so I just had to leave.

My little boy starts full time school on Tuesday and I’m dreading it, he’s autistic and I’ve said we will try him in a mainstream school but I’m literally petrified about the daily meltdowns because it always ends up in us both crying😢

Also I’m at a wedding this weekend and nothing is playing ball, I’ve come out with spots across my face, my eczema has flared under my arms and is so sore.
 
Went to Rheumatology Clinic to start my new pain injections today. I have to take 2 for the first 3 times then only one. First one, perfect. Didn't even feel it going in, then the 2nd one. I honestly thought I was on my way to A and E. I couldn't breathe, my face and hands went pillar box red, I was so hot, felt really sick, weak and shaky. It felt as if it was a blur what was happening. I've never experienced anything like that with any medication before. After I started to feel a bit better after 2 glasses of ice cold water, the nurse said she could see visibly that something was happening to me. She couldn't have been nicer (she is lovely compared to my actual consultant), but now I'm terrified that the same thing is going to happen next time. 🥺
 
the AUDACITY of this woman oh my oh my
context: I moved out at 16, ranaway to London as I turned 20. Me and mum have no meaningful relationship. Im now going to university and I get extra support for being estranged from my parents.
Anyways here's what girly pop has text me today telling me:

Im not estranged, how dare I say that. Shes been supporting me so much! Shes paid my rent! (Im homeless, have been for 14 months) She pays my phone bill ! (Not since Last year when I got my own one because she demanded I get off her plan. I was only still on it because do you think homeless kids can afford their own phone bills? Throw me a bone.) She actually gives me money all the time!! (£40 for Amiibo cards as a reward for getting All A's at college that one time doesn't count, mum.) You got a trust fund! (Every one in the UK born after sometime in 2002 got a trust fund from the government. A trust fund also isn't a relationship with a parent) Im lying because I stayed with her and some of my stuff is there! (Again, I am and was homeless. I needed a place to stay, and that stay with you ended with me literally running away with my baby brother in hand and my mum getting arrested for assault against me)
Shes saying I cant 'lie' about being estranged because Im going into politics and 'political people get cancelled for less these days' girl what. Besides, I do political journalism.

And I'm so caught up in thinking and her I just spilled boiling water all over my hand. It hurts so much oh my days bruv
 
I was feeling better earlier, but now I have a pin type rash on my face, neck and shoulders. Back to feeling weak, shaky and now I've got a terrible headache. If I phone my Rheumatology Nurse, I'm worried I'll get admitted to hospital as my immune system is low. Also, into the bargain my brother started giving me his nonsense again even after I tried to tell him how ill I feel. He never asks about my pain, any of my appointments, but if he needs to go for anything as such as a B12 injection, it's a major, major fuss and he isn't scared of needles, so it's not that. (I get them too, and it stings a little, but nothing the way he goes on about them and it's only 1 every 3 months.) If he was that bothered he could get B12 tablets prescribed instead. He really does act like a baby. I really don't need all this with him, I literally have done everything for him for about 10 years, my Mum did it before but her mobility suffered and I offered to do it on a temporary basis. But now I feel I'm going the same way as her health did. He's nearly 43 with no health issues, and he never appreciates what I do for him. He's been told he'll need to look for somewhere of his own, but he knows he's got it easy here. I know some of you will say don't do anything for him, but seriously you wouldn't want to use a bathroom/shower/kitchen after he had used it without a thorough clean. 🤢
 
I got really sick last night. Like, after my previous vent here. Ugh.

But actually I came to say I just accidentally overwrote the wrong save state for Link's Awakening DX and have to redo 2 entire dungeons now, hahaha. Oops! I was supposed to be going to the Wind Fish egg and I ruined everything.
 
i hate eating in the office, but i don’t have a car and there’s nothing nearby where i could go during lunch, and for some reason everyone is able to leave me alone/send emails all day except lunch when they suddenly decide to come in my office while i’m trying to eat 🥲 i also haven’t really been eating well ever since i got this job, i always bring a tiny/simple lunch because i don’t want something spicy or messy (rotating between like 3 similar things), i just have juice for breakfast, and dinner depends on how tired i’m feeling so i usually just end up grabbing a bagel or mexi-fries after work because sometimes i feel like the homemade food is too heavy/oily (i love my mom’s cooking! but after work i don’t want something that will make me feel sluggish)

also ruined my sleep schedule because i feel like i need to make up for lost time

i need a work from home job 🫠 i really do like my coworkers but i hate working in an office when everything i do could be done anywhere else
 
I can’t help but feel like my grandma secretly feels some type of way about me. She brought in an Uber card and gave it to me but she reiterated that it was for my dad and not me. She said “not you” a bunch of times as if I’d take it and not give it to my dad. Before this incident, she asked me if I really like my eyebrows like this. Yes, I like them masculine because I’m not trying to look like a ****ing girl. I’m not trying to look feminine. I look like a boy or not enough like a girl? That’s what I’m going for. I hate feeling like I’m a problem because I don’t identify as my birth gender. Why is that a problem?
 
Don't you just get annoyed when an armchair expert claims they know everything, when they don't? They also love to chime in with unsolicited advice when their comments aren't needed.
 
my mums threatening to throw my belongings in the trash, which shes done before. my belongings are with her because I have been homeless since July but tomorrow I move into my own place. Now shes telling me to 'man up' and come get my stuff myself because I asked my dad to get it. She wants to fight me I know it. Also my uncle kidnapped my cousin last night and the police said they wont do anything even though my uncle is dangerous
 
Having a large range of emotions today (actually the past two days as well) and I hate it. I normally feel just one or two, but many lately and it is annoying. I'm not a very expressive person, so it isn't easy. I'm hoping it's just hormonal and go away after the cycle but not sure because I'm normally not like that. My dogs in twilight I think is effecting me quite a bit tbh. They seem happy rn though. They've been playing with the pup each day for a short time.
 
i don't understand fans sometimes.
me and my friend are going to go see the eras tour movie the day AFTER it comes out because the tickers for oct. 13 are already sold out. he's been texting me about what dress he's going to wear and asking what i'm going to wear. he literally told me it was ok to wear my suit and i just don't understand?? i'm not going to get all dressed up in my suit to go sit there for 3 hours. i how is that even appropriate to go see a movie in the mall...? i understand dressing up for movies (like dressing up in pink for the Barbie movie) but why are people getting THAT dressed up for this, it's not like you're going to go meet taylor swift or anything, you're just watching a recording of her eras tour concerts.

honestly, what i don't understand even MORE is why his parents are letting him buy a new dress just to see a taylor swift movie.
 
It’s my day off so guess who got woken up early by the beginnings of a migraine 🥸
 
i went to my school's orientation today. it was pretty fun and informative but we had to do icebreakers and i failed miserably at them 🤦‍♀️ i'm so socially stunted its actually embarrassing 😭😭
 
I don’t normally post but so grateful for my friends on here so here goes 🥺

I am still around and checking in as here is my happy place. I know my lineup post was a bit cryptic but ok breathe. My beautiful mum died yesterday and my heart is broken.

Thank you for all the love and support. I am so very grateful. You know who you are. Ily ❤️❤️❤️
 
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