What's Bothering You?

I really wish for my mom to stop reading news articles out loud, the ones where someone got killed and they go into detail about it. I've already told her once that it makes me uncomfortable, but she refuses to stop because I watch things on TV shows (like anime and South Park) that has violence in it, while that is true. I don't think she sees me turning my head away from the TV when such a scene like that shows up...like the anime 'Another' for example. I really like it, but I always look a way from the TV when the bad stuff is or about to happen.

Also, a lot of the anime I watch are more in the Slice of Life and Romance department, I don't watch many with violence.
 
Ayo, Mr. Resetti just gave me a slap on the wrist for swearing... 🙊🤬 I'm quite expressive with the way I type... so do I just straight up drop F-bombs instead of spelling those naughty words in a funny manner and let the forum automatically censor it? 🤔 I thought we were bros, Mr. Resetti! 😨 I'd expect that from your brother Don. Isn't he the softer one? 😏
 
I have to go to school to use the resources there plus work in class plus i have to take a shower first and I have a cramp >n< I took a calcium pill so hopefully it will get better. Lowkey already feels a bit number.

Edit: YIKES it is not better. Not looking forward to standing
 
Spoiler just incase someone doesn't wanna read it
Just feeling a little bleh. My friendship officially ended with my friend who detransitioned after 10 plus year of living as male. We all tried to keep the friend group together but she no longer supports trans people or non binary identities. She's also actively online trying to convince others they are not actually trans, but rather just mentally ill lmao. If we went back in time and you told me my ftm bro was gonna become an enemy of the lgbt+ community I would not have believed you. She was the biggest advocate. She was also my partners best friend so it hurts. They had matching bff shirts like any reasonable adult friends would. Also for her 1 year on testosterone (many years ago) we threw her a party and I got a bunch of helium balloons that said "ITS A BOY" and now thinking back to that memory hurts. Everyone else seems to be moving on okay but I miss all of us being 20 and just partying and not worrying about how time never stops
 
I’m filled to the brim with sadness and this horrible feeling of dread that will just not go away no matter what I do. My parents got into an argument the other day and haven’t spoken since, and I’m just so tired. I’ve told my mom more times than I can count just how terrified I am of her dying, and how I’m so terrified that she’ll do something to herself one day when she isn’t thinking clearly and she’ll just be gone. And yet after her fight with my dad the other day, she looked me in the eye and told me she wants to eat herself to death, have a heart attack, and it’ll all be over. She said I’ll inherit all of her things.

My dad asked me what he’s supposed to do to make my mom fix herself. I don’t understand why he asked me that. I don’t understand why my parents have told me things all my life that I should never have known. I don’t get why I’ve been their therapist since I was a kid. I don’t understand why my mom won’t do anything to help herself. She still hasn’t gotten her urine test done. She still hasn’t called her doctor to ask if they’ve gotten the results of her back x-rays yet. All she does is **** around on her computer and try to recreate pictures of animals and people that are long gone in AI. My mom is so mentally unwell, and I can’t help her. I can’t parent her. I can’t make her do the things that she needs to do. I can’t change my father. I can’t make him happy or more empathetic. My parents were broken before I was even born, and I can’t fix what I didn’t break. I wish they never had me. I don’t understand why they did. I don’t understand how they had the parents that they did, and were the way they were, and thought that having a child was a good idea.

I realized last night that if I were in my mom’s shoes, and the roles were reversed, she would not be as patient with me as I have tried to be with her. If I was refusing to do anything to help myself the way she is, she would tell me to suffer in silence. She would not tolerate the way she behaves if it was me or my dad doing it instead.

Idk. Idk what the point of me saying any of this is since it won’t change anything. My parents will never change. I want things to be different so bad. But I’m so tired. I’m exhausted right down to my very core. I’m so drained that I can’t even get my eyes to focus half of the time. I wish this was a fairytale so that some magical being would just come and take me away from all of this, but it’s not. The only one who can get me out of this is me, and I just don’t have it in me. I’m so tired. Life isn’t supposed to be like this.
 
I haven't had the chance to really explain it here, but I've been catching up on schoolwork non-stop for the past two weeks. I'm so close to finishing all my work, but I'm so physically and mentally exhausted from cramming months of schoolwork into a couple weeks. I don't think I have the words to properly emphasize how much this has affected me, but in short, I've been spending my free time either sleeping or crying.

Tuesday was especially bad. My dad and I got into an argument and he yelled at me because I missed the bus and he couldn't drive me to school (our car is broken at the moment), and I ended up sitting at the computer just crying for an hour straight. I ended up doing approximately 10 hours of work that day. Holy ****, no wonder I'm so tired.

I have a science exam tomorrow (repeater course since I failed Secondary IV science...) and despite studying and going over topics I had trouble with, I still feel nervous and unprepared. I'm seriously hoping that I memorize enough info to pass the exam and be done with science for the rest of the year because I just hate it.

I probably shouldn't be this overly pessimistic, but I have not been doing well the past few weeks. The only proper break I got was on my birthday last week, and every other day was filled with constant work. I'm ****ing tired and stressed, but I can't give up yet, even though I want to so badly.
Long vent, but I really needed to get that off my chest.
 
why does my dad say the most insane things sometimes

Any time I want to buy something local/from fb marketplace he has to interrogate me on the resell value, I’m not a flipper I’m just buying things because they make me happy (usually I always order online to avoid dealing with him, but occasionally I’ll find something I want locally)

And today he came up with a new excuse: “where is all of your stuff going to go after you get married because you’re not keeping anything” (you mean the stuff I paid for with money that I worked for???), my bad I didn’t realize that after marriage you become a newborn who has nothing to their name! guess I’m just supposed to become a blank slate with zero interests/hobbies lmao

god forbid a woman has hobbies
 
Twitter wants you to have an account to view any posts.
Also Twitter: Has a very long and unnecessary process to make an account.
So I had to either solve a bunch of simple math problems I had no time for, or listen to a bunch of different audios to prove I'm a human.
What happened to the simple "type exactly what you see on the screen?"
Can robots do that now?
Soon, they will be able to do math or listen to animal sounds.
Will the new human verification be sending a picture of yourself holding up your left index finger AND a picture of your ID?
All of this for a throw-away account.
 
tfw i begin to truly realize that i'm genuinely a legal adult, yet barely anything's really changed about me since grade school: 🧍‍♀️
 
I haven't been on here for quite a long while now. College has been hitting me hard being assigned with chapter readings, assignments, and quizzes from left, right and centre. I'm always feeling tired no matter how much sleep I get (if I can even get a decent amount at all), and I'm tired of this feeling of being half awake all the time. Heck, there have been a few times where I fell asleep for a few minutes despite my best efforts to stay awake and focus on the content I have to learn. I'm doing my best to try and get by, but it's hard trying to retain the information that I'm learning. Why? Because...

I still have to work during weekends. Not only do I need to gain some income because absolutely everything is skyrocketing in prices (seriously, why the **** are large fries from McDonalds costing $5 CAD before taxes?!? Not that I want to buy their food in the first place but omg), but also because the owner of the workplace I'm working at would let me go and not give me more opportunities to gain more experience even after I finish my studies if I decided not to work part time. And the audacity they have telling me not to play video games... Like bro, I need to take a breather. I'm not a robot. What are you trying to teach me here?

This is utter garbage. I have to attend college for four days and sink additional two days at work when I could use that time to at least unwind and catch up on stuff when I need to. Because of this, I'm only left with one day each week to relax from everything and even then, I still have to use it to focus on my college studies. And I'm not even factoring into things where my family would occasionally ask me to do favours for them and drive to places, further eating into my time I could've used to truly relax from everything. My mental health is taking a huge hit, and I wouldn't be surprised if my physical health soon follows.

You see the problem here? I feel dead inside. I feel like I'm not getting to enjoy life at the moment. Sure, there will always be rocky paths, but still. Constantly being overworked is weighing me down a lot and it's making me feel depressed too. Some happiness I do get doesn't last very long. Oh, and the midterms are slowly creeping up, so that's fun.

Simply put, I'm NOT okay. Far from it. I'll go back to suffering and potentially cry in a corner.
 
The students from one of the local universities having the cheek to shout at people who actually live round here about "privilege". Bruh, have you seen this place? Sorry your middle-class sensibilities can't handle the working classes being a whole different culture, but to sneer about "privilege" to the genuinely poverty-stricken before trotting off back to their poncey uni that not a single person who has grown up here could afford to go themselves, nor will any of the kids currently growing up, is just ridiculous. Even the really smart kids here will never get scholarships due to our schools being so awful, so they can barely even grasp the basics.

Wasn't directed at me personally, but a small group of them came in my work and started gobbing off about something I won't go into here. The locals can and did handle it, but the fact they have that attitude in the first place is astonishing. Maybe they got lost on their way to Wetherspoons.
 
I was heavily neglected as a baby. my parents were substance users and I am autistic and forgetting how to speak slowly because of how isolated I was and still am. I try to be nice to myself but that is not something I am good at.
I am just trying to manage.
 
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