my mental health is getting as bad as it was a year ago. i can feel it. i'm so alone, dude. i don't even reach out to anyone anymore. i don't have the heart. but for the people who see me posting (on other social media) and choose to gloss over me basically falling apart - when, whenever i see them struggling, i always message them to ensure they are fine - i hope they eventually come to know that i feel sickened. i don't want attention. i don't want someone to fret over me, or put the spotlight on me. i just want someone to say "i'm here for you" so that i feel like i'm not alone in this. for 3 weeks i have felt like i am completely and utterly alone. and normally i would enjoy it, but when i feel like i'm not welcome anywhere, and nowhere feels like home, it's hard. i don't even feel like i can really post my true thoughts to social medias anymore because i feel like every eye is scrutinizing me... every eye is judging, pushing me deeper into the dirt. i need to start over or something.. i wish i could go back to being ten years old before things got bad and i would change every action i ever did, really. because how the hell did i EVER land up here. how did i ever land up here in this pool of misery with no way of getting back out?