Oh my savings are dwindling so fast and I hate it. I hate that Canada can't produce it's own vaccines so we are getting vaccinated at an alarmingly slow rate which is even worse in Ontario because Doug Ford is a ****ing idiot. This whole pandemic is driving me crazy because it shouldn't have been this long but so many people couldn't make better decisions so here we are. Basically a year later and I think I read that the general population in my age bracket isn't expected to be vaccinated until August, but chances are that'll get pushed too.
I can't safely return to work until both my dad and I have been vaccinated. I miss working. I miss working with kids, being out of the house, earning money. Every time I check my bank I want to cry because my savings are dropping so damn fast. The savings that were supposed to be for me to go to school, so that I could move out, so I could start my own ****ing life. Because I can't do that here. How the hell am I supposed to start my life here when I live with my dad who won't be accepting of me? Of a town that won't be accepting of me? I've heard the way people, even seemingly good people, talk about LGBT+ people. It's terrible. I hate it. I hate all of it and I just feel like I'm at such a loss and it sucks.
I feel sick and like I want to cry at the same time because it just feels like I'll never get out of here. Rent costs a painful amount, the only thing I'm good at is working with kids and preschool teachers make a laughable wage and I wasn't smart enough in school to go to university to study to be an elementary school teacher unless I upgrade courses (which costs money) or go to college first and then transfer. Which also costs money. That I don't have. Because my savings are disappearing. Because this damn pandemic won't end and I hate it. I hate all of it.
And I know, I know that I should be grateful. That I was able to step back from work and have some savings to fall back on. That I'm not being forced to work and that my dads not being forced to work. That we've both be safe during the pandemic. And I am, I swear to God I am. I'm so grateful for that. But this part of it just also sucks, yunno? Because I finally felt like I was getting my life together. I had a full time job that I could actually do. I tried to work full time in a pharmacy and I spent my lunch breaks and nights crying because it stressed me out so bad. Then I found the job I had and it was lovely. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. My coworkers for the most part were sweet, I loved all my kids, I made okay money, and I had benefits. I didn't want to leave. But I couldn't stay in a job working with kids when there were still so many unknowns with how the virus was transmitted and I couldn't risk bringing it home.
So I quit. Because my job wouldn't let me go on leave, which is totally fair. But it sucks. Because I loved it and they made me feel like such a selfish person for leaving. So I know I won't have a job with them when this all clears and that sucks.
I know I'm lucky though. Compared to so many people I'm so lucky and I try to hold onto that but God. It just sucks sometimes and then I feel horrible for feeling bad about myself when other people have it so much worse. Then all my thoughts just get so jumbled and it sucks because it just leaves me feeling bad. Bad because I'm not working, bad because I'm losing my savings, and bad because I shouldn't be complaining when other people have it worse. I just. I don't know.
theamericangenius.com
" end up being the most condescending and toxic people ever I stg
I think we’re still in phase one of our vaccination plan? So still trying to vaccinate the elderly and people who work higher risk jobs, but I might be mistaken. 
