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What's Bothering You?

i haven’t heard from a friend of mine in close to 48 hours, and that isn’t like them at all. they’re an online friend and live in las vegas, so i have no way of checking on them. i’m hoping that they’re just tired or busy with work as that usually prevents them from responding for longish periods of time, but i don’t know. i just hope they’re okay.
 
I glanced at an old man on the street and he yelled “say one word to me and I’ll hit you.” As I walked away he called me a slur. This isn’t even the first time I’ve been called that word this week. A few days ago I was standing by a wall and a guy in his thirties called me the same thing. Homophobia really is everywhere.
 
Sometimes I feel like it will be all worth it at the end
..but sometimes I just think I made a big mistake. It’s too early to tell, but the exhaustion, worry, and stress right now is on an all time high.


I’m not a person who does this. I like things all planned out.
 
I was trying to get to know a person better that I really liked, and at first I thought she liked me, too. I don’t wanna be the only one to try and keep the friendship alive though, so I thought I‘ll wait and see whether she will text me this week. She hasn’t done it so far.

At work people are assuming I can take calls, but I really can’t. It’s not that I am scared of the call itself, but I just don’t have enough knowledge yet to answer people‘s questions.
 
the job opportunity I talked abt last week is out the window bc they were only hiring a position on Monday from 9am to 3pm with no semi-long breaks (which I can't do 1. because autism and 2. I have a dog and my disabled mom to take care of) so uhhhhhh yeah 🙃


guess all I can do for now is go back to the craft store I applied at a while ago and see if they have any hours available for me to work.
 
I feel so down, depressed and demotivated lately. I cried myself to sleep last night, and it's been a very long time since I've done that. I'm sick of living like this. I want some sense of normality back. I want my old life back.
 
i cant wait to have some space. im really sad, but i know its for the best and should have happened a while ago. i know ill be able to live and be myself and im so happy for that but im sad about letting go of the possibility that things will get better. i know i cant control anyone elses behavior but i really thought things would improve. theyve been going well for the most part, but of course it always goes back to the same thing again. i shouldve called somebody but i never do despite the warnings. idk why i cant love and protect myself more. needed to keep taking melatonin throughout the night just to stay asleep and of course in my dreams everything is wonderful. now its time to start another work week in this house with you. i love you. i hate this. i dont understand why life has to be this way. i know i deserve better though. i just feel really sad
 
xSuperMario64x said:
guess all I can do for now is go back to the craft store I applied at a while ago and see if they have any hours available for me to work.
Click to expand...
update on this, I went to the craft store and they are, in fact, still hiring, so I gave the manager my name and number so when the hiring manager gets there she can give me a call. really hoping that they hire me, I'm only looking for part-time hours so even if I can only work like 10-14 hours per week that's better than not working at all.
 
my life's absolutely spiraling out of control. I don't know what to do anymore things keep happening and tbh I'm terrified, like genuinely scared. I didn't know how good I had it
 
Update on the DPD crap. Apparently I was supposed to pay cause it was a more expensive/larger package... I remember getting a similar before when I ordered a coat and a jacket but I don't believe that they were *that* expensive anyway, whereas the other package went through. Sigh I'll pay I just want my stuff 😔
 
ali.di.magix said:
I feel so down, depressed and demotivated lately. I cried myself to sleep last night, and it's been a very long time since I've done that. I'm sick of living like this. I want some sense of normality back. I want my old life back.
Click to expand...
Hope things get better for you over there. I also have been demotivated and feeling like this so I want you to know you're not alone. Take some time to breathe and fall apart a little so you can heal :)
Neb said:
I glanced at an old man on the street and he yelled “say one word to me and I’ll hit you.” As I walked away he called me a slur. This isn’t even the first time I’ve been called that word this week. A few days ago I was standing by a wall and a guy in his thirties called me the same thing. Homophobia really is everywhere.
Click to expand...
why can't people keep their thoughts to themselves instead of insulting a very swag person like you? smh the fact that people can't act mature just because they see someone that isn't like them makes me question humanity. you deserve better :>
 
I can’t find my drawing pen. And I didn’t show up to class yesterday because of my migraine and didn’t call in so idk if I’m going to get into trouble. Also didn’t eat breakfast this morning.
 
i had plans to go see one of my favourite comedians today. today was supposed to be a good day, and instead it’s ending early with me in tears and asking to be taken home. i feel so wretched physically, mentally and emotionally. i don’t think i’ll be getting over this for a while.

i can’t handle my parents yelling, especially when they’re in such close proximity to me and i have no way of getting away or blocking it out. it makes me feel like a trapped animal. i can’t handle school. i can’t handle the fact that my friend has been MIA for well over 48 hours now, and i have no ****ing idea why, where they are or if they’re even okay/alive, and i have no way of finding out. there’s nothing i can do, and i’m scared.

i needed this to be a good day. i needed to take my mind off of ****, and now i just ****ing feel worse. with how much **** keeps going wrong, it’s really starting to feel like i’m a curse who keeps cursing everyone else around me. it feels like i deserve it. it feels like i’m being punished for something, but i really don’t know what. i am completely and utterly alone no matter how much people might say otherwise when i make posts like this, and it sucks. i’m on my own.
 
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