I’m having trouble falling asleep; stayed up too late again. I heard my dad screaming at my kittens and it really upset me; it isn’t anything new since he’d scream at my late kitty when she almost tripped him when she begged. still my dad’s inability to handle his anxiety and refusal to get it treated and his temper bothers me so much. I hate how my mom all these years would just say “just deal with it” or he won’t listen which is true, but, over 30 years of him going ballistic because I ask a question or when i show anxiety, really makes me uncomfortable (to put it lightly), or when i have trouble saying stuff since it takes me forever to put my thoughts in words or to process a question. yet he claims he knows i have mental disabilities. yeah sure… I’d move if i wasn’t dependent on my family and had a job but no one wants to hire me and i can’t function at all; can’t get myself to do even things i want to do like my games. my kittens deserve better; they’re kittens and they are going to be mischievous, but no reason to go ballistic because they are getting in your closet. my dad is so scary when he gets mad. part of the reason i’ve become pretty much a shut in my own house is because I can’t deal with him. I always liked being in my room and having privacy but i’d still interact a little with family; I can interact with my mom but i can’t deal with him and his temper.
edit: they ended up knocking over a plant and breaking the pot. still no need to take out his anxiety on the kittens
. his yelling is scary. i mean i get being scared about them possibly getting cut, but seriously need to do something about that temper and anxiety. kittens don’t know better.
also panicking about something. i messaged some mods on discord about something and been worrying about a bunch of stuff. i just sent a message to one individual mod, and also am kinda freaking out. i like her and the mods that talk to us a lot; just afraid of annoying them.