I don't binge eat like I use to but I still have a noticeably unhealthy relationship with food. I always feel guilty when I eat (unless I absolutely need to) because I'm so terrified of gaining all that weight back. at the same time I'm really picky and we don't have much money (lemme rephrase that, my dad is **** with budgeting). I don't fell particularly well even when I do eat healthy, and if what I eat isn't healthy I feel an immense amount of guilt.
I also still have to try really hard to keep myself from binging because I'm used to having little or no food so when we actually have some I keep wanting to eat as much as possible so it doesn't all go bad. I guess you could say my wild animal scavenging instincts kick in. I also feel really bad when something does go bad, because I remember the times when we didn't have any food and I always tell myself "you'd be happy to have that when you guys have no money."
but like right now it's 9am and I think eating rn would be reasonable but because I still have body image issues (plus I've felt a lot better physically since I lost weight) I'm basically trying to keep myself from eating until it gets to a point where I can't wait any longer. I don't starve myself but I also tend to just eat whenever I want to (which unfortunately is a lot even after losing all that weight) so it's a constant struggle, trying to decide when and what I want to eat. plus I tend to overeat a lot so I usually feel sick afterward, making me even less likely to go and eat until I have to.
idk I need to get this stuff sorted out ig.
