The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Shellzilla_515]

Use the big bully from Super Mario. Bet your money on who wins.

My pizza is undercooked! How to fix this mess?

 

[frogslime]

Time to pullout your flamethrower and finish the job yourself.

I hate my brain, how to fix?

 

[Midoriya]

Use hammer on brain. Problem solved.

How to cure boredom?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

Spend a night in Evwirt.

What’s the best way to cook food?

 

[HungryForCereal]

call the restaurant to cook it for you and have it delivered. no effort on your part and also good food.

how to eat pizza?

 

[Midoriya]

Slurp it up like in the cartoons.

How to ride a jet ski?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Flip it upside down. Bring your snorkel!

My friend here is making car sounds. How do I make them stop?

 

[Neb]

Take them to the friend dealer and see if your insurance can cover a replacement of the same model.

How can I wake up earlier?

 

[HungryForCereal]

Dont sleep at all

How to find a boyfriend

 

[frogslime]

First, you need to lay down a trap depending on what he likes. Next, you calm him down from crying, then you make him your boyfriend because he would've forgotten his memory from being bonked on the head by the trap.

I can't stop listening to Cosmo Sheldrake. Help?

 

[HungryForCereal]

First, you need to lay down a trap depending on what he likes. Next, you calm him down from crying, then you make him your boyfriend because he would've forgotten his memory from being bonked on the head by the trap.

yo i might actually try this. im desperate

 

[Neb]

I can't stop listening to Cosmo Sheldrake. Help?

Go onto your music app's equalizer settings and reduce the treble and bass. The sound will be so bad that you'll never want to hear it again.

How do I read more during the day?

 

[Midoriya]

Starve yourself, don’t drink anything every day, don’t use the bathroom, and don’t go anywhere. Just do nothing but reading.

How do I become good at art?

 

[chocosongee]

print your art out

How do I become rich?

 

[Clock]

Be a mastermind, scammer or theif
Just know the risks and be careful so you can get money fast.
If you want to do it safely, get a real safe job though...

How do I stop a scammer?

 

[Neb]

Go to a mirror and say “don’t become a scammer.”

How do I fall asleep quicker?

 

[HungryForCereal]

you knock yourself out with a hammer

how to deal with someone who is ghosting you

 

[eggie_]

hhmmm. you could always bide your time and haunt them from the grave!

how do you deal with an upset stomach

 

[frogslime]

Step 1: Grab a scalpel
Step 2: Make sure you have a phone on hand in case of emergency
You see where I'm going with this?

How to look FANTABULOUS ?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Sprinkle glitter all over yourself.

How do I fly after jumping?