The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[cakiepop]

Use human hair! It's better for beginners.


I'm allergic to nightshades. What's the best way to remove the hives that eating them gives me?

 

[toxapex]

Use human hair! It's better for beginners.


I'm allergic to nightshades. What's the best way to remove the hives that eating them gives me?

Kiss someone who’s allergic to daylight.

What do I need in order to make a quiche?

 

[frogslime]

Stick an epipen into your leg consistently. Doesn't have to be prescribed, can be a random person's on the street.
A phone and some money. Make a reservation at a restaurant that has some.

How do I get rid of this woozy feeling when I stand up?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

You can’t feel woozy if you don’t stand up. As a bonus, you’re being unproductive!

If I’m being offered candy, what should I do?

 

[Clock]

Reject it
You never know what might be in there if you got one from a stranger

The ship is sinking! Now what!?

 

[Neb]

Check to see if the rice cooker is working before you escape on a life boat.

How do I become more productive?

 

[Clock]

Multitask is a good idea
How do I untangle something?

 

[frogslime]

Rip em apart. Tangled earbuds? Just rip em apart. Tangled cables? Just rip em apart. Tangled intestines? Just rip em apart.

I accidentally overheated my laptop and I can barely type h e l p

 

[Ace Marvel]

Rip is apart. Tangled earbuds? Just rip em apart. Tangled cables? Just rip em apart. Tangled intestines? Just rip em apart.

I accidentally overheated my laptop and I can barely type h e l p

That is so easy to solve, put it in an ice bath so it cools down?

I just burned my kitchen trying to cook, how do I hide it?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

That is so easy to solve, put it in an ice bath so it cools down?

I just burned my kitchen trying to cook, how do I hide it?

Close the door and tell your neighbours it's only Aurora Borealis.

I fell in a garbage dump and now I'm stinky. How do I clean myself up?

 

[frogslime]

Close the door and tell your neighbours it's only Aurora Borealis.

I fell in a garbage dump and now I'm stinky. How do I clean myself up?

Eating scented soap will allow it to be sucked into your blood vessels and carried throughout your body, thus smelling good.

How do I forget something I really wanna forget?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Remember the said thing you were trying to forget.

What should I do if I forgot someone's birthday was today?

 

[Midoriya]

Make sure they forget your birthday so you’re even.

How do I operate a train?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Derail it and drive it on public roads. Then run someone over every time they say "I like trains".

How can I fly?

 

[saucySheep]

Jump off a cliff and flap your arms. If you're lucky you might get some lift before you land.

How do I get my brother to quit fortnite?

 

[Neb]

Do a default dance in his room until he realizes how ridiculous it looks.

How can I make myself feel more awake?

 

[saucySheep]

Do a default dance in his room until he realizes how ridiculous it looks.

How can I make myself feel more awake?

thank you, I'll try that

try asking yourself why you exist. It'll really get your brain moving.

edit: why am i still here?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Because you still have a purpose in life and you should go for it. I mean it even though this is the internet's worst advice column.

I lost my appetite and now I can't eat. Help!

 

[saucySheep]

Because you still have a purpose in life and you should go for it. I mean it even though this is the internet's worst advice column.

I lost my appetite and now I can't eat. Help!

dude thanks lol

Take a whiff of some c a e k

how do i concentrate on my darn health class hw when i haven't taken biology yet and the author is annoying

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just go to sleep and leave everything to the last minute.

Where can I get more food?