I’m not sure how I’m managed to make it through the past 2 years. Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my Mum’s passing at 11.14am. I still can’t accept she’s gone. I will never be truly happy again, there is always a cloud in my mind and especially my heart. My heart is truly broken and remains in pieces. Everyday I shed a tear, some more than others. The past 2 nights when I went to bed I cried so much that my heart was pounding and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. It felt a bit like a panic attack. I never cry in front of people, (only Blossom), but find myself crying alone, as I don’t want to feel like a burden to others, and I don’t want to upset my Dad.
My Dad has been great and I will always remember how he let me be the last one to kiss her, even though I told him it should be him as he was her husband of 45 years and they knew each other 49 years. I’m starting to cry even writing this. Some say ‘with time it gets easier’, it doesn’t, I just need to try and live with it. I need her.
I don’t think I’ll take Blossom for a walk today, I think I need extra snuggles and to give her extra treats. I’ve been wakened since 3am, and it’s now just after 8am. The only hope is that one day I will be reunited with her.
I could write and write, but I don’t have the energy.