What's Bothering You?

I had to leave work early today cause I was dealing with low blood sugar (I'm not diabetic but I do have hypoglycemia). I would've normally eaten in the morning before work but this morning was kinda crazy.

woke up at 8am to a repetitive tapping sound, and I figured out that apparently the door on my fridge wasn't sealed all the way shut (even though it looked like it was) so there was water everywhere inside the fridge form where the ice on the freezer melted. the tray below the freezer was filled with water and it took me about 20 minutes to get the water out without just dumping it everywhere (I still got quite a bit on the floor rip). so I had to deal with that. I also had a counseling telehealth appt at 9am (they connected me to some good resources for trans/nb people as well as LGBT groups).

so by the time I got tot work I was feeling really hungry, which is kinda odd cause I can normally go a while without eating in the morning. unfortunately if i wait too long to eat my blood sugar drops and I start to get really shaky and I feel light-headed, so I had to leave work an hour early to go eat. not too big of a deal but that's $8.70 I'm not gonna get back 🙃
 
I've applied for a job and got through the all the rounds, last meeting was last friday. There is only one other candidate left and they will have a meeting on monday and i feel like i have been waiting forever and I'm so afraid i might not get the job becausw the other person might be a better fit and i dont know and cant do anything anymore now to increase my chances. I'm such a control freak and the fact i don't have any control now is annoying me soo much aaahhh
 
I spent days transcribing a composition, I added a 3/4 section and I only realized just now after a few hours that screwed up my entire composition and I have to perform it in 2 days. I could restore the version but that costs money and I could lose 2 hours of progress. :/
 
usually i don't have this much trouble getting the shiny from a max raid event, but galarian meowth is proving difficult. mostly because i'm running into more kanto, alola, and gigantamax ones then galarian and i hate having to battle so many pokemon to reset my dens. and the maybe three i've encountered, even at 5 stars, haven't been shiny. gotta keep trying though cause i only got till 7:59pm tomorrow to get one.
 
I wish I could just stop talking. No matter what i say or try to say, I have trouble articulating myself. Even when I get my point across, my mom just doesn’t care that I don’t want two strangers painting my room or anyone. i like my color of room, so why the f do i need it painted aside from moving? she said she asked me what color. when i said idc maybe she should’ve asked if i am sure rather than wait till it is too late and say i should’ve said anything. maybe i should damage my wall so they can’t do any painting. so many things i just want to scream right now. i can’t take this or some other bs that has been haunting me. And how many fing times do i need to tell her to not tell me a bunch of stuff at once because it overwhelms me.
 
I don't know what to do with myself in the weekends with no friends or family around. There's not too many places to go, unless I want to travel hours out of town. It's sad boi hours I guess
 
Agh, I’m so irritated with myself. I was gifted a $20 Nintendo eShop Card, so I happily scratched off the back. I guess I scratched it off a little too happily, as now it’s so scratched up I can’t read the code on the back. I don’t think there’s anything I can do not, but man am I frustrated.
 
Toska said:
Agh, I’m so irritated with myself. I was gifted a $20 Nintendo eShop Card, so I happily scratched off the back. I guess I scratched it off a little too happily, as now it’s so scratched up I can’t read the code on the back. I don’t think there’s anything I can do not, but man am I frustrated.
Click to expand...

I've done this before... you can contact Nintendo and they can add the funds into your account, however you'll need to send them a picture of the front and back of the card and a picture of the receipt. Without the receipt though, they can't help you. Let me see if I can find the link and I'll send it to you :)
 
My therapist suggested reality testing whenever I’m paranoid about my ex. It’s helped over the past few days, but the anxiety seems to have caught up. I’m just afraid of them harassing me directly or spreading lies to people I know.

The gaslighting has gotten to me too. Sometimes I’ll blame myself for what happened even though it was completely out of my control. I could be clingy at times, but it didn’t warrant the dishonest breakup or months of neglect.

Again, I have to remind myself that the odds are slim. I’ve increased my online security as well. It would take a lot of effort on their part to harass me. Hopefully that angry public playlist about me is as far as they go...
 
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I’m feeling more depressed than I was earlier. Hopefully sleep will help. Starting to dread each day like I did back in high school and college. I did talk to my mom like my counselor suggested but yeah lol...as i thought, still going to have strangers paint my room a white color that is supposedly lavender. not looking forward to my birthday either. i honestly don’t want a gift and just want her to cancel moving plans and the painting for my room. Also the talk about the grandchildren my nieces all the time is starting to get to me. i love them but i feel like they don’t care about me anymore or that i need mental health. aren’t they concerned about the likelihood of regression from what little progress i made feeling mentally better. nope. i wish she would leave me alone. not sure if i will have it in me to do the tournament with this stuff going on :/
 
very fwp ;-;
been trying to find these two songs for the life of me for such a long time now and i just can't find them whatsoever.

if you honestly think you may know what song i'm talking about PLEASE pm me or something with a link if you can i want to find these desperately!!!

first one's a song i heard on the radio randomly. it was a fast pased adrenaline pumped punk sounding song that ended with a repeat of the lyrics "and no we won't take it! and no we won't take it!" (and no it's not we're not gonna take it-twisted sister) that's all i can remember of it and i so badly want to hear it again.

second is an either celtic or irish song, by a female artist, i used to listen to when i was younger, but got taken off my playlist at some point or another. it was upbeat sounding and i really enjoyed it, but can no longer remember the lyrics. i know it was about either dancing around the moon, a ring around the moon, or something like that. and i've tried celtic woman, blackmore's night, etc.

pleeeease let me find these some day please! it ticks me off so much that i'm having so much trouble finding them.
 
I have a rehearsal in like less than an hour and I need to get up and take a shower and go over the piece but I really don't want to get up :,,,,,)

also supposed to go home for a bit today and my anxiety over it is so bad, I really don't want to go (partly cause I have to give my dog dramamine cause he has motion sickness and idk how he's gonna react to it)
 
I got so comfy last night that I fell asleep without taking my antidepressant/mood-stabilizer. Going to lie low for today as my mood may be off, but for now I’m pretty happy. Other than that I’m doing fine.
 
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