What's Bothering You?

I have a headache and there's still 2hrs 20mins left of work followed by a 50min drive home. ugh.
 
One of my cats is staying at the vets overnight as he’s having his teeth checked/cleaned in the morning. It’s the first time one of my two cats isn’t at home and it definitely feels odd not having him around. Fingers crossed all goes well and this time tomorrow he’ll back home annoying his sister.
 
My anxiety is through the freaking roof right now. I have to leave for a concert in 10 minutes yet the Covid test I need for it hasn’t come back yet

edit: got it lol
 
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i'm gonna go to a rollerrink and skate with friends next week: :)
have never touched a pair of rollerskates in my life so im bound to embarrass myself there: :(
 
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^ omg roller skating is so fun! I go inline skating a lot and my friend is wayyy better at it than I am, but as long as you're having fun it doesn't matter how many times you fall :)


idk why but sometimes I get a feeling in my shoulder, it almost feels like it's burning but it's prob a tight muscle. I need some thera-gesic or smth.

also it's 10pm and I should prob go to bed but I really want to draw lol, maybe I'll stay up for another hour (I say as I know I won't want to go to bed an hour from now).
 
My internet suddenly decided out of nowhere to drop to around 2% of the speed we normally get. I just ran an internet speed test and it shows that I'm currently getting just 1Mb/s download and 0.34 Mb/s up. It's making it very annoying and frustrating trying to get anything done online. Not that I'm exactly doing anything productive or important there, but still.

Edit: I guess all I needed to do was complain about it. Even though it's been slow the last couple hours it suddenly picked back up as soon as I made this post.
 
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Due to the predictable pattern my life follows and my inability to think in the present, I’m able to see what will likely happen over the next several decades. It’s long and a bit depressing, so here it goes:

Once I leave college I’ll continue to self study Japanese in my parent’s apartment for several years. My reading and writing level will be advance, but my speaking will forever be subpar. If I’m lucky I’ll either get a job as a translator or an embassy employee. If I can’t find a job, I’ll go back to college and pursue an easier field.

I won’t move out to my own place for at least a decade. My ability to handle finances will be limited and I won’t have the independence to take care of myself until at least my thirties. It’ll most likely be an apartment in my current city since I’ll have no one to move in with. My only company will be any pets that are still alive. Once they’re gone I won’t be able to afford any more.

My job will most likely be successful, but ultimately draining. I won’t have the time management skills needed to keep myself level headed. Unless my awful insurance is improved I’ll be stuck without an adequate therapist. I’ll either rely on the same dosage or just learn to get through without medication. My ability to do taxes or handle my medical expenses won’t improve, so I won’t be able to take care of myself well. I’ll probably make it through, but not without some difficult times. I also won’t have children because I’ll barely be able to take care of myself.

I’ll likely get into some short romantic stints. Some will end because I’m not content, while others will lead to other person being scared off. None will last long though. I’m just not the kind of person people want to be in long term relationships with. Once I get into my fifties I’ll likely give up and focus on my career.

I’ll probably retire in my late sixties. I’ll be in decent shape thanks to my walking habit. To combat the constant loneliness I’ll spend the rest of my life on my hobbies. From music, to video games, to books, I’ll be absorbed by the entertainment of my youth.

The life I’m envisioning isn’t all terrible. It‘ll be full of time spent on a fulfilling career and hobbies I genuinely like. The problem is how much of it will be an uphill climb. I’ll struggle to take care of myself, never maintain many relationships, and be unable to maintain a consistent mental state. I envision many depressive episodes. There’s a chance I’ll be able to fix some of my problems, but if things don’t change this is what my life might turn out to be. I’m just afraid of being unable to do anything about it.
 
I'm very conflicted right now. As much as I want to stay with my parents, man it is painful living with them. They're so toxic to each other. My dad's so ****ing loud with his panic attacks and can't be reasoned with. On one hand, they take good care of me, but on the other my mental health suffers living with them. I don't know what's better for me at this stage.
 
not florida passing their own version of section 28. jesus christ. anyone who says homophobia is over is a moron. it didn't magically end when same-sex marriage was legalized, and even that was still only less than a decade ago anyway.
 
Firefox keeps getting worse yet it's like the best browser still. I don't think seamless/flowing download is more secure but okay lmao.
 
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